Saturday, October 31, 2009

So tired

Howdy,

Not much going on here. It's been a hectic, awful week.

Down one coworker so busy busy busy at work.

Still undecided about vaccinating DS against H1N1.

Had the most ferocious migraine on Wednesday.

Thursday my Dad called to say that he had to put our 16.5 year old sheltie down. :'(

All alone at work on Friday = more busy busy.

Had to work today (Saturday!); plus the usual chaos of Halloween. And DPup woke me up at 4am. DH is not feeling well, likely not H1N1 at least.

I'm POOPED. How am I ever going to get enough rest tomorrow while chasing DS by myself (so DH can get better) and then back to work to start it all over on Monday?

Oh, down 1 pound this week. It's not much but I'll take it. Still hovering 2 pounds away from Onederland. Not likely to get there this week, after the food party I had after Thursday's events. I wanted to be at Onederland by my birthday 10 days ago; now I'll be happy if I can get there by Christmas.

*sigh*

Vent over. LessIsMore out.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Bad Week/Good Week

This weekend was Thanksgiving, and my friends lost their first born son - only 3 years old - in a terrible car accident. Their younger son had his very first birthday, only three days after the accident.

All of these events took place within a few days of each other. The bad and the good.

Life is too frail.

I'm devastated for my friends and for the loss of their beautiful little boy; but at the same time, I have so much to be thankful for.

Without the ugly, there is no beautiful.

So with a heavy heart, I celebrated the holiday with family, and took comfort with the love we share. I made it a point to adore, cherish, and love my son.

I honoured the memory of that precious little boy, by embracing life and all it has to offer. I decided that I want an even better life for my family, and for me.

I lost 3 pounds this week, and I am thrilled. I earned my 10%, finally. And I will not take life for granted any more.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Sneaky Scale

I am a girl that is constantly befuddled by the scale. It is so completely unpredictable for me! If I think I had a great week, the scale says meh. Or I feel like I did just okay, but then I lose a big amount.

Or, what happened to me this week: I completely bomb on my week, am positive I will gain... and I lose? Uh, okay.

Well, that's what happened. I've lost my mojo a little bit, and let my eating spiral again this week. My pants felt tighter. And I so did not want to go to my weigh-in on Wednesday night. I was that convinced that I would gain for the second week in a row, and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

But then I started thinking. Thanksgiving is this weekend and I am going to need all the motivation I can get, to survive the weekend away from home, away from my comfort zone, and at my food-pusher in-laws.

And I also started thinking, hmm, when I think I've had a bad week, and I skip that weigh-in, I usually have another crummy week. I need the meeting to get refocused and back on track. So, I decided to face the scale and go to my weigh-in.

Well I needn't have feared, because I actually lost! Only half a pound, mind you, but staring down the barrel of what I imagined to be a 2 pound gain, I would gladly lose half a pound instead.

That sneaky scale.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Oral Allergy Syndrome

Ever since I was a teenager, I have been unable to eat fresh, raw fruit. Well, not all fruit - bananas and grapes and oranges are ok. But most fruit with an edible skin (apples, peaches, pears, plums, cherries, nectarines, etc.) would cause my mouth and throat to itch like mad. Sometimes I would suffer through the itch, just to have a taste of a sweet juicy apple. But most days, it wasn't worth the suffering.

Interestingly enough, I can eat all of those above foods, if they are cooked or processed in any way. Raw apple? No. Apple pie? Yes!

I figured it was a pesticide that I was allergic to. It's frustrating walking through a garden market or grocery store, and seeing the mouth-watering array of fresh fruit, only to go home with the basic orange-banana-red grape combo. It gets boring after a while.

Well, I have had a lot of other (unrelated) allergy issues this year, and my doctor referred me to see an Allergist. Today was my appointment. We started with a 20-minute history of what I suspect I am allergic to, and my reactions to those things. Then came the scratch test; the serum of ~50 suspected allergens were placed on my forearms, and a nurse then used a tiny needle to scratch my skin through the serum. It didn't take long. My arms lit up like a Christmas tree.

Here's the interesting part: it turns out that all of my food allergies are caused by a singular allergy to birch tree pollen! Apparently, the protein in birch tree pollen has a specific marker; I have developed antibodies to that marker. BUT -- all of my fruit allergies above, plus additional sensitivities I have to carrots, celery, almonds and walnuts, are related to that marker. All of these foods have a protein marker with very similar characteristics to the birch marker that I am allergic to. So, my immune system goes a little crazy, reacts to the marker it thinks is birch, and boom! I have an allergic reaction.

Oh, and the reason I can have apple pie? Cooking or processing fruit destroys that protein. So the marker on the fruit protein no longer resemmbles the birch protein marker. The antibodies won't react to the destroyed protein marker.

Amazing.

Now, this is all well and interesting, but there's nothing they can do about it. There is no "cure". I will never be able to eat those raw foods comfortably. And yet there is such a weight off my shoulders this evening! I'm thrilled to know that this is ultimately only one true allergy, and my body has not gone haywire/berserk to more things I can count.

And it's common. It has a name: Oral Allergy Syndrome, or OAS. This pleases me to no end. Because now I am not alone, I am not crazy, I am not a freak, I am not a hypochondriac. This is a legitimate syndrome, that people across the world suffer from. I am relieved at not being alone.

I still wish I could eat a raw apple though. I have always loved fruit. Fruit is the perfect filling food - sweet, fibrous, portable, tasty. All things that would be ideal when trying to lose weight.

(And apple pie is not - I checked.)

Sunday, October 4, 2009

Still here, still going

Hello to the void.

I'm still alive, though I've seriously sucked at blogging for a while now. I feel like no one cares what I have to say anyway. Why is that? Why am I so insecure even when I am just a screen name? I still post on ww.ca but again, I feel like no one is reading the words I write. They just skip right over me and on to the next one.

Anyway. Best save that introspection for another day.

I'm still going to meetings and I'm down 20 pounds right now; last week I was down 21.5 and only 0.5 pounds away from my 10%, and I went and got sick and got bloated and gained 1.5. Blah, the universe hates me.

Mind you, I've been eating like a madwoman since then, so I had better smarten up and finish this week strong, otherwise I'll be back in the teens and my 20 pound star will just be taunting me from it's place of honour on the fridge.

And... I just realized that although I hit my 20 pound loss a few weeks ago (and again last week, ha ha), I have yet to purchase my reward (a magazine subscription). Must get on that this week. I do believe in the importance of rewards at regular intervals, and (thus far) it has helped me make a large goal (~90 pounds) seem much more manageable. I've lost almost 25% of my total goal!

So even though I am down 20 and down a size now (hurrah for shopping in my wardrobe), I saw a recent picture and ew. It's not pretty. Yet I've been walking around feeling like Angelina Jolie. I really need to get a little more hardcore and start losing faster. I don't want to be the fat ugly one in the room any more.

I'm all over the place today, sorry; just have a lot of thoughts swirling around in ye olde grey matter.

Life otherwise has been going pretty well, though it has been a hectic few months. I'm looking forward to a calmer fall, and the possibility of some "me" time. I unexpectedly have some extra vacation days left for 2009, and one of them is screaming "Spa Day".

I guess that's it. I'll try to be back on a more regular basis.

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Tricking Myself?

So I am aware that I have body dysmorphia - I don't feel like I am as big as I really am, and when I see photos I am usually shocked. Interestingly enough, when I lost weight for my wedding 6 years ago, and was only 7 pounds away from goal, I felt huge, and couldn't relate to the person in the mirror. Weird.

Anyway. Is there such a thing as mind dysmorphia as well??? Mentally I have felt so "in the zone" for the last month or so, and I have managed to be binge-free during that time. But I've looked back through my tracker and I haven't been OP all the time, but I feel like I have!

I was also shocked to realize that in July, I only lost 2 pounds in total - three small losses and one small gain. I thought I had done better than that.

I need to start paying closer attention to the details, I think.

This weekend I was away at the IL's and that is always a food gong show. Lots of yummy treats, high point meals, and full-calorie soda. I did ok on Saturday, and was so proud of myself for that, but Sunday turned into an "I don't care" day. I was pleased that I didn't binge, but when I added up all the points, I still had gone wayyy over. Not OP at all.

So tomorrow is WI and I will face the music, and I will finish this week being as careful as I can. And I will start next week with a fresh perspective.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Bye Bye 210's!

Yeehaw! (oops, there's some of the Alberta girl in me coming out)

I lost 1 pound today at WI for a grand total of -16 pounds. The one pound was okay; I was hoping for more since my last three WI's have been underwhelming (-0.5, STS, -1.0). But more importantly...

I'm out of the 210's baby! Heh heh. Patting myself on the back right now. It's so nice to be in the 200's again - Onederland seems so much closer now! I am going to do my best to get to Onederland by my birthday in October; what a present to myself that will be!

Okay, so these mini-goals are keeping me focused. Next up: -4 more pounds and I've hit -20, and -6 more pounds and I've got my 10%. I can SO do this! I swear if it takes me forever (and it might), this damn weight is coming off. :)

Sunday, August 2, 2009

I Did It!

15 Pounds ~ Be Gone, Forever!!!

I lost 0.5 pounds at WI to take me to -15 pounds exactly! Yee haw!

I also have compared my measurements from July 1 to August 1:

Bust: -1"
Waist: no change
Hips: -0.5"
Thigh: -1"
Arm: no change

Other than the no change at my waist, I am pretty happy at those results so far!

So now that I have achieved a big milestone (for me), it is time to strive for new goals:

-1 pound will get me out of the 210's and into the 200's
-7 pounds will get me my 10%

I'm hoping to reach the first goal (-1 and in the 200's) by Wednesday!

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Mole Biopsy

So I had a mole on my back biopsied yesterday. I don't think my doctor is actually too concerned, she's just being cautious since I have a lot of moles and very fair skin.

The procedure itself was fine; the worst was getting the needle to numb the area! (they should numb you before giving you the numbing needle, LOL)

After that it was easy peasy. Took about 20 minutes and 3 stitches and I was done. It's a little tender today but not as bad as I thought. I have no idea how long it will take to get the results though.

But get this: if there is "something wrong", the government will pay for the biopsy. If it comes back as benign, I have to shell out $30! How crazy is that? I guess they figure you will be only too happy to pay if the result is negative.

WW is still going well, I'm on Day 24 binge-free. I feel so in control, and I'm loving it.

This weekend and upcoming week might be tricky though. I'm attending a wedding tonight (food, cake, food, booze). And my niece is staying with us through the week until Thursday, and we have activities planned every night (more food opportunities). This will be my test week! Wish me luck. :)

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The Elusive 15 Pound Star

I forgot to update last week - I was up +0.5 pounds. I was pretty confused by that since I stayed perfectly OP but oh well. Maybe my body levelling out after the -6.0 the week before.

Anyway I was feeling pretty determined that the gain not ruin my upcoming week. So once again, I had myself a pretty good week. Third week in a row! I stayed OP and have officially gone 21 days without binging (they say that it takes 21 days to break a habit, so yay for me). I'm feeling much more positive these days and healthier too.

Since I am short, I feel every pound as it comes off me. My pants are definitely feeling looser. And, my NSV for the week was that I bought a blouse in a size L!!! I have been an XL for at least 3 years, probably more like 4 at this point. So I am absolutely thrilled about this. I feel hawt in it! I'll be wearing it to a wedding this weekend; I'll get DH to take a pic of me in it so that I can post it here.

And, as for my weigh-in; well, my goal was to lose -2.5 so that I could finally get my 15 pound star. Alas, this week, it was not meant to be. I did lose -2.0 which I am thrilled at, and that takes my total to -14.5. Next week, absolutely without a doubt, that star is mine. :)

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Back, and better than ever!

OMG, even I am getting depressed reading my own blog! LOL

So, I'm back, with more energy and positivity than ever!

First off, after suffering through yet another cold, I finally had my appointment with my family doctor. I was so scared that she was going to brush off my concerns, but no, she listened and we discussed a few things. She said that other than my weight, I appear to be very healthy, which is good news. But because I have been through so much since March, she gave me a req for some blood work. She said that when healthy people get sick suddenly, it is sometimes an indication of Diabetes. Eeeek. There is a history of Diabetes in my family (my Grandmother had it, my Uncle has it, and my Mom is pre-diabetic). I knew that it was only a matter of time, but honestly, I thought it would be something I would have to deal with in 20+ years. Anyway, I'm putting the cart before the horse here, I haven't had the blood work done yet.

My doctor's other concern was some of the moles on my back, which I hadn't even thought about. Double eeek! I am going back for a mole biopsy in two weeks. Hopefully everything is ok there. But truthfully, I'm not worried yet, I will wait and see what happens with my tests, and I am happy that I have good health care.

Now, as for Weight Watchers. Two weeks ago, when I was sick, I just gave up all pretense and ate junk the entire week. And I gained 3.5 pounds, and it disgusted me. I was so embarrassed. But, I did go to that meeting. I owned the gain that I had "earned". I told my husband. I posted it on ww.ca. And I worked my little tail off this week and I got right back on track.

This week I lost SIX freaking pounds!!! Yay me!

I am feeling so pumped and so "in the game" again. I am totally in control of my own destiny, I'm taking the bull by the horns, (throw in any other cliche here), and I am getting serious and losing this weight once and for all!

AND, I have 2 more pounds to lose to reach that elusive 15 pound star. This is my goal for this week. :D

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Broken Record

This must be what I sound like.

I've fallen off the wagon again. Why do I keep doing this? I even have made it a point to get in more activity, but then I am undoing it all by eating junk.

DH was in Kingston yesterday and on the way back to Ottawa, I asked him to pick up some Arby's (if you can believe it, there is NO Arby's in Ottawa so I only get to satisfy that roast beef craving when we are in Kingston). Anyway he was awesome and asked if I was sure, he didn't want to do something that I thought I might regret etc. The most diplomatic and supportive way of asking if I was blowing off WW on purpose.

So yep, I told him to do it, bring me back a Beef 'n Cheddar and some curly fries. And I ate it and it was so good, but now I feel like a complete and utter moron.

No wonder I am over 200; I have no self control.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Weigh in, and NSV odds and ends

Woot woot! I'm down 1.5 today at WI. I didn't do anything special this week so I am quite pleased with my results!

I've been feeling the urge to get moving again; not sure if it is the nice weather or just that it is time. I took the poochie out for a fast walk last night; I got home in a bit of a sweat, but I felt good. Invigorated. Here's a shot of my lovely girl relaxing at home (on my DH's feet!):



Anyway, I joined an exercise challenge on the WW Mom's board; my goal is to earn 400 minutes in June. That may not sound like much, but to me it's a lot. It is 30 minutes, 3 times a week, for the month. I am not going to push myself but rather ease back into exercise slowly. If it is going well and I bust through those 400 minutes, then good for me and I'll set a loftier goal for July. BUT if it isn't going well, I (hopefully) won't get discouraged and give up like I have in the past.

Today I went out for lunch with some co-workers and I found that I was really craving a salad. They wanted to go to the chip truck, and honestly, the thought of all that grease turned my stomach. So we compromised and went to Wendy's where I got a nice healthy salad (and they got their grease)! I wish all days were as easy as today. Funny how sometimes WW feels almost effortless, and other days it is all I can do to stay OP.

Sunday, May 31, 2009

Redecorated

What can I say?

I like change. ;)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

WI Yesterday

STS.

:(

I've got to get back on track.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Weigh in after illness

So I ended up going to a Thurday meeting this week, I still felt awful Wednesday and so I stayed home and watched Lost instead. ;-)

Anyway, I was down another 2 pounds - this makes for 14 pounds total. One more pound to my 15 pound star! Feels like I've waiting for this one for a while.

However, I'm sure some of those two pounds was from being so sick and not eating much. I hope I don't have a rebound gain next week but you never know. I'll do the best I can for this week, and that will have to be enough.

Health-wise, I'm starting to feel better, but I'm still having horrendous coughing fits at night. When I'm trying to sleep, of course. At least it is a long weekend and I get one extra day of rest; hopefully by Tuesday I will feel functional again!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Sometimes I hate being right...

Well since my family doc wouldn't see me, I went to a drop-in clinic yesterday. I took my empty antibiotic bottle with me. Explained to the doc how I am feeling. He listened to my chest, heard the wheezing when I breathe. He told me that the first antibiotic I was prescribed wasn't strong enough, as I clearly still have some bronchitis going on. He gave me a new prescription, told me it was a stronger antibiotic and that it should do the trick.

Off I trudged to the pharmacy (I called in sick to work, obviously). The pharmacist pulled up my medication history on her computer and gave me a sympathetic look. She said, you haven't been well. No, I say, I've had a rough go of it for almost two months now. She fills my scrip and says that yes, this is a strong antibiotic, it should take care of things but there may be side effects.

Oooh. Yah. Mmm hmm. No kidding.

I spent the evening in the bathroom (sorry if TMI). Plus I have an awful metallic taste in my mouth. It feels like something crawled up and died in there. But if it will get me better than I don't care.

I woke up today and got ready for work, picked up the girl I carpool with. Made it to work and realized, I am nuts. There is no way I was in any shape to work today (constant coughing, drippy nose, dizzy, achy, and no sleep last night due to coughing). So I came back home. Slept until almost 1:00. And this is it. I have now officially used all 5 of my yearly allotment of sick days (the rant about that would be a whole other post). I now am saving a week of my vacation for sickness emergencies for the rest of the year. Hopefully, after this is all over, I will be healthy for a very long time, and I can use my vacation for, well, vacation.

DH has been wonderful, above and beyond. He's been fighting through a bout of insomnia lately so he's exhausted too, but he's done about 99% of the caretaking of DS so that I can rest and heal up. He's such a good man, I think I'll keep him! Both my boys are down for naps right now, it's been almost 2 hours so hopefully DH will feel a little better when he gets up. I'll be going back to bed when he gets up; I'm still feeling pretty wiped.

WW is out the window again. I had a milkshake for dinner last night. Oh well. I haven't decided if I will go to my meeting tonight, or go to the one tomorrow (I'm lucky that my leader leads both of those meetings, because I really really love her and I do feel like she is always looking out for me). It doesn't really matter I suppose.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Still Here

Sorry I haven't felt much like blogging lately.

I was on a 10-day course of antibiotics for my bronchitis and only started to feel better around day 8. I finished the antibiotics a week ago Sunday, felt good for about two days, and slowly my cough has started to return. I phoned to make an appointment to see my doctor last Thursday, and she told me that it is viral, I need to rest, and she wouldn't prescribe anything else for me right now. Ok, that is fine, she's the one with the fancy degree.

Except here I sit tonight, five more days have gone by, and I'm wheezing and feeling the weight on my lungs again, coughing and coughing over and over, and crying because I am just so goddamn fucking frustrated and tired of feeling like shit.

Tomorrow I will insist that my doctor see me personally, and if she still thinks it's viral I'll eat my hat.

WW has been ok; I was up 1 pound two weeks ago but then down 1.5 last week. I'm trying, but I can't walk or go up and down the fracking stairs without struggling to get air in my lungs, and breaking into a sweat over the effort of it. Let alone exercise.

I am so sick and tired of being sick and tired. Please, please let it end soon.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Giving Up (temporarily)

DS has Strep Throat and is miserable. No sleep for anyone last night.

I have bronchitis and breathing has become difficult. And the coughing fits are driving me nuts.

My family has been ill for what seems like months now - over and over and over again.

I didn't weigh in yesterday.

I'm not on plan today.

Right now I need to focus on the health of my family and myself. Then I can concentrate on counting points again. So I am giving myself a little break.

Cheers.

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Struggling again

Well I feel like a Negative Nelly on here lately. All I do is b*tch.

So why stop now?

I haven't been eating well this week, I've had lots of junk. I've kept track of it and I'm not over my points, but I feel so discouraged. When I face a bit of adversity, I let myself down.

I have to take my tracker in to WI this week for my leader to review and I'm embarrassed that she will see: fast food chicken sandwich and french fries, fast food cheeseburger, potato chips and dip, two chocolate chip cookies, and booze. And not many F&V's. And no exercise.

I am going to try to move on from this and make these last few days before WI count. Hopefully my second half of the week will save me from my first.