Goin' Downhill

In the blink of an eye.

2011-10-04T20:43:00.000-04:00

Isn't it funny how fast things can change? After being unemployed for 6 months, my hubby started driving a school bus the second week of September. Two weeks into the new job, he got a fabulous job offer with a different company (when it rains, it pours, right?). He accepted the new position and started work on Monday. He's loving it so far, and it comes with a bus-load of perks (pun intended, ha ha).

Might we finally be on the right path again? I sure hope so. We've had enough suffering for the last 6 months; it's time to let the good times roll once more.

Anyway my hubby likes to celebrate with, in his words, "a food party". You might imagine it would be difficult for a dieter to navigate those waters, and you would be correct.

Except, of course, that I am newly awesome again, and I wanted no part of the junk! Dinner out? No problem, I'll order a salad. Popcorn at the movie theatre? Nope, I'll pass. Pizza for dinner at home? Nah, I'd rather cook up a stir-fry.

I feel good again. I'm in a groove. And I'm going to be successful. :)

WHOA!

2011-09-30T09:26:00.000-04:00

*said in my very best Keanu voice*

Well. I went back to basics this week, and started from scratch. The result? I lost 5 frigging pounds!!! Whoa, indeed.

Now let me attempt to explain that. One, I was eating salty comfort food like a demon last week, so my WI last week probably skewed high. It was also the delightful week of PMS, so there was likely some extra water weight thrown in there for good measure. I'm sure I didn't actually lose 5 pounds of fat.

But whatever it was, it's gone!

So I am 1 pound away from my lowest weight, 4 pounds away from my 55 lb. star, and 5 pounds away from a new decade. I'm going to do my damndest to get there by the end of October.

I'm still here.

2011-09-27T19:06:00.000-04:00

A very good friend pointed out to me that I've been neglecting my blog, and that sometimes it helps to share, even if there is bad amongst the good.

August wasn't my best month ever. I had very high levels of anxiety, to the point where I was bursting into tears, every day, for three weeks straight. After a few chats with my husband and said friend above, I sought help from my doctor. Diagnosis: clinical depression.

So, I'm now on medication and seeing a counsellor to talk about my issues. I'm sure I have looooooots of issues (ha ha) but the tipping point for me was, apparently, on March 11 of this year. Yes, I remember the exact date. It's hard to forget the day that your husband loses his job AND you are in a major car accident.

I've been walking around saying, thank god no one was hurt in the accident. But that's not exactly true, is it? Physically yes, no one was harmed. But my counsellor told me that the "twin traumas" of that day affected me in a way I couldn't imagine.

I was hurting. But my husband was hurting, too. And because I am a caretaker, I stuffed down all my fears and guilt and anxiety down into my gut and told myself that I could handle it. I couldn't.

So what does this all have to do with weight loss? Well it will come as no surprise, that on that day I weighed approximately 175 pounds. Guess how much I weigh today? Yup. Approximately 175 pounds. That's no coincidence. I was so busy taking care of everyone else, that I 100% neglected myself. Well, that is ending.

Now that I am working hard at getting my head on straight again - well as straight as it ever was I guess - I'm dedicating myself to weight loss once more.

The first goal I will work toward is getting to 162 pounds. That is the magical number when I will no longer be considered "obese". Oh, I cannot wait for that day.

Stay tuned....

Day 7 - Skipping meals, and headaches

2011-08-08T19:20:00.000-04:00

Ugh. I had to run into work but didn't think it would take long so I didn't pack a lunch. As it turns out, I was horrifyingly busy and was stuck there for over 4 hours.

There's nothing around but fast food for miles, so I basically skipped lunch. Big mistake. I got all shaky and headachey.

Low blood sugar aside, at least I didn't cheat! ;P

Day 6 - Back to it

2011-08-06T23:42:00.000-04:00

Well after my little "cheat" yesterday, today I found myself with points left over. Huh. I ate quite well all day, I snacked, portioned everything out, and still had 3 points left. Darn - off to the Bux I went. :)

Tomorrow will be interesting. I have to go into work, on my day off, to cover for someone who is on vacation. My plan is to pack my gym bag and take it with me; that way I can head straight over after I finish at work. I may have to pack some healthy snacks though so I don't faint on the elliptical!

I'm going to try to stay close to my daily target for the next few days. I have used a little under half of them so far this week, and to maximize my loss on Wednesday I probably shouldn't use them all.

Day 5 - I Cheated :(

2011-08-06T08:36:00.000-04:00

Well I would say ~90% of my day went well. I would have ended my day at exactly my points target, except...

My darling husband bought me a Blizzard. A cappuccino skor Blizzard - my favourite. Now, before we get judgmental, he did try to do me a favour by buying the mini size. Unfortunately the mini is still worth 10 big ones, AND it had chocolate in it (obviously) which is one of the things I vowed to cut out this month.

I wish I could say I had the willpower to not eat the darn thing, but I would be lying. I ate it, and I enjoyed every last bite.

I'm still well within points though, and todays plan includes both the gym and some time at the pool with my son, so I'll be earning lots of APs.

But still. *SIGH.*

Day 4 - Hungry!

2011-08-04T21:45:00.002-04:00

So this is what I had planned for today:

B (6am) - coffee, milk, cereal
S (10am) - banana
L (12pm) - leftover sausage and mexican rice
S (2pm) - skinny iced latte and blueberries
D (5:30pm) - 2 tacos

This is what actually happened:

B (6am) - coffee, milk, cereal, still felt hungry...
S (9am) - banana, still hungry....
S pt 2 (9:15am) - blueberries, still freaking hungry...
Lunch (11:20am) - sausage/rice, finally satisfied
S (1pm) - skinny latte, starting to get hungry again...
S pt. 2 (1:45pm) - cashews purchased on the fly when getting the latte, wolfed down in mere minutes due to the return of the hunger that just wouldn't die...
D (5:30pm) - 3.5 tacos (the 1/2 taco being the remnants of my son's dinner which I couldn't bear to throw away)

Okay, seriously, none of that was mindless eating. I was HUNGRY, all day long. As in, it hurts my stomach, I'm in pain HUNGRY. I've added it all up and tracked it all, and although I didn't plan on eating all those points today, clearly I needed to. At least I didn't cave and get a donut or worse when at the coffee shop.

Hopefully I will have a little more control tomorrow.

Day 3 - 1st WI

2011-08-03T20:58:00.000-04:00

Aaaaaaaaand I did it! Hahaha! I weighed in today at 173.5, which is exactly where I ended things in beginning of July. It's almost like July never happened........

So today's challenges: birthday cake in the lunch room (I ignored and had my tea and carrots in my office); donuts offered by the front office staff (I declined); and a starving me looking for a snack at home after work found a PB and Chocolate granola bar in the cupboard (chocolate is a no-no for me, so I very grudgingly passed and had something else).

All in all, a very successful day!

Day 2 - A day late...

2011-08-03T07:04:00.003-04:00

Well I've been out of the habit for so long... I completely forgot to blog yesterday. Oops. Well I'm doing it now.

The day went great yesterday, except my familiar friend/foe came to visit - Hunger, that is. I've been doing pretty well since the weekend without feeling too hungry. I don't know if it was because I was back to work yesterday, but I was starving. I did mostly fine despite being ravenous, but I caved to that familiar Mom habit - when my son left the dinner table I finished off his plate. Oh well, for once he had eaten very well, so there was just two bites of sausage and a little bit of rice left.

I did, however, avoid the licorice that was making the rounds in my workplace, so that's a plus at least.

Tonight is WI, so I will know exactly what I'm working with. I'm really hoping to be back to 173.5, so I can do the rest of the month fresh and not having to make up any pounds. We'll see.

I'll put up my Day 3 post tonight after WI, I'm sure I won't forget this time! :)

Bridal Bootcamp - Day 1

2011-08-01T11:37:00.000-04:00

Yep, here I go again! I'm in for another month-long challenge. I kinda sorta fell off the wagon last month, although luckily I seem to have mostly regained my senses. At the beginning of July I weighed 173.5, and according to my home scale, this morning I am at 174. So basically, the entire month of July was a big write-off.

I may have mentioned before that I am the MoH in my best friend's wedding on September 10th. That would be 41 days from now. I have the dress, I have the undergarments (and I'd like to send a HUGE thank you to Dina for her generosity), now I just need the bod. Heh.

I leave for the wedding on September 2, which means realistically the last day of control I will have over my menus is September 1, one month from today So, what better than another month-long challenge? It worked so well for me the last time. :)

This month, I commit to:

No junk - for me this means no chips, chocolate, full-calorie pop, or deep-fried fast food.
900 minutes of activity, including MORE strength and toning exercises and not just my go-to cardio machines. I have a book that I used back when I got married in 2003 (called Buff Brides) and I achieved some really great results. Plus I have Jillian, the 30-Day Flab-Slayer.
Taking my measurements at the beginning and end of the month. I didn't do that last time and was curious about what the change would have been. I will take my measurements later on today.
Blogging every day. Yes, it got monotonous and difficult some days last time, but it helped keep me focused
Journalling. Every. Single. Day. I've been guilty of just adding points in my head lately. Putting it to paper is so much better (note to self: buy a new 12-week tracker at WW meeting this week, my current one is almost full)

Here we go again!

THE Dress

2011-07-10T20:52:00.001-04:00

You know, the MoH dress. The Matron of Honour dress. I went for my final fitting yesterday and gosh that was ~~fun~~ eye-opening. I took my tummy-shaper thingie with me to even out the spare tire a bit, but it never even occurred to me to do something about the girls.

I tried on the dress; it looked great from the waist down (those shaper things are fabulous) but the top of the dress gaped a bit. The seamstress was somewhat dismayed that my boobs were in the vicinity of my armpits. She basically reached right in there, lifted and shifted, and told me to get a better bra. (And yes the dress did look fabulous once I had been ~~groped~~ adjusted).

*SIGH*. I hate bra shopping. I don't like spending gobs of money on something that will only fit for a short while, since I have a tendency to lose a lot of weight from my breasts. I didn't even think my bra was that bad, but clearly I'm going to need a Wonderbra super-duper-cleavage-maximizer or something. Well, something that will get me pointing front and centre, anyway.

So I was at a discount retailer today and grabbed a few bras to try on, and apparently I also do not know what size I am. I thought I was a 36D but I needed a smaller band and a bigger cup. Can you get a 34DD outside of a specialty store? I really, really do not want to pay $100+ on one single bra, at this point in my journey. I guess I should bite the bullet and get measured somewhere. I'm going to wait until August though, just in case I decide to lose 2 more pounds of breast fat before the wedding in early September.

:P

Slow start to July

2011-07-09T08:16:00.000-04:00

This week just ended up being wayyy too hectic. I have been entertaining for what feels like forever (in reality, only 2 weeks) but I just haven't had any time to myself.

However, I did manage to eke out a STS at WI this week. I'll take it.

I'm doing my best to get back into the losing vibe, but I feel like I've been suffering from "hungry" a lot this week too. I have been eating fruit, or drinking water, or just plain going to bed early as a coping mechanism. I truly hope the hunger goes away soon, it's so much easier to stay OP without the nighttime munchies.

I'm falling behind in my activity challenge again - how is it July 9th already? - so I'm really going to have to step it up.

June went so well for me, and so easily too. I want to get back into that same rhythm again. Soon.

Activity, finally

2011-07-03T10:39:00.000-04:00

In the midst of my chaotic life, I took time out for ME yesterday. I've been trying to meet up with a very lovely friend of mine, and she suggested we go for a speed walk before we make our normal trip to the Bux. Well, it was fantastic. The weather was warm but not stinking hot or humid. We did a 5.5 km loop in an hour, worked up a bit of a sweat, and had a great chat in the meantime.

It really helped to clear my brain. I've been in rush mode for what feels like weeks now, so to slow down and do something for ME was exactly what I needed.

Note to self: you need to do this more often!

The Day After...

2011-07-02T08:41:00.000-04:00

We had 12 people in our small little house last night, to celebrate Canada Day. What a great time we had. I did relax my eating a bit after being strict for one month - I had a handful of chips, and two half-servings of dessert (we had three types of dessert to choose from!). I ended up using 21 of my weekly points, but it was fun and it was worth it.

I'm back to being strict today, though. I'm determined to keep my downward trend so I will not be able to eat many more of my weekly points, and I need to think about exercising again! Not to mention - WATER. I feel parched from too much diet pop yesterday, and not nearly enough water.

It's all good, I'm not worried. The rest of the week will fall into place.

Our niece is staying with us this week, so the challenge will be for me to stay away from kid food - pizza, hot dogs and the like. I'll be making a menu plan today and then off to grocery shop. The fruit is gorgeous this time of year so I'll be stocking up on that for snacks. The kids can keep their rice krispy squares and cheese/crackers. :)

Day 30 -The end, and the beginning...

2011-06-30T22:14:00.000-04:00

I have officially finished my month-long challenge to myself. I am more than pleased with the results; 7 pounds lost in four weeks, which is much better than my normal rate of loss! Best of all, I think I have finally kissed size 16 goodbye - I have been hovering between a 14 and a 16 for such a long time. Well, all my 16s are big now and the 14s fit perfectly (including some brand new shorts and capris my Mom treated me to)! Fabulous, fabulous, fabulous.

I hope to keep the momentum strong throughout the summer. My current weight is 174 pounds - and at 163 I will no longer be considered obese (!!!). Do you think I can lose 11 pounds in the next two months? That's my official end-of-summer goal. It is so close that I can almost taste it. I was considered morbidly obese when I started this journey at 225.5 lbs.; although I am no longer morbidly obese (just your average run-of-the-mill obese) it sure will feel great to be rid of the obesity label forever.

So for July, I am repeating my exercise challenge, as that was the one area where I did not achieve what I set out to do this month. Thus, my official July challenge is to earn 900 minutes of activity. I won't be blogging every day either, because there were some days that I was exhausted or just didn't have much to say. But blogging does help keep me focused, so I will commit to blogging often.

Tomorrow is Canada Day, and my hubby and I are hosting a potluck BBQ for a large group of friends. I'm sure there will be lots of chips and chocolate - two things that I have not had in 30 full days. And you know what? I'm not even tempted to indulge tomorrow. My cravings are all but gone. I will have my hamburger and salads on the side, some fresh fruit and maybe an alcoholic beverage or two. But I don't need that other stuff. I don't think I could have said that 30 days ago!

I am so incredibly proud of myself today. And not only that, I have given myself a new lease on life, a new passion for wellness, a confidence that I can achieve whatever I put my mind to, an appreciation for hard work and dedication, and a newfound love of myself.

I think I'm pretty hot stuff, inside and out, and I'm not ashamed to say it. :)

Day 29 - What the what???

2011-06-29T21:47:00.000-04:00

So at this time yesterday, I was hoping to see a small loss at WI, but somewhat concerned that I might STS.

Fast-forward 24 hours... and I lost TWO freaking pounds this week! Holy, where did that come from??? (Note that I am not complaining, hee hee).

I think my little month-long challenge experiment, was a success!

Week One: -2.5
Week Two: -1.0
Week Three: -1.5
Week Four: -2.0

Total: -7.0 pounds in one month! I love it!!!

Day 28 - Hopeful

2011-06-28T20:53:00.000-04:00

I'm so tired tonight, I can't even think of anything to blog about. I promised myself I would blog every day this month, so I'm doing it, but I just don't have much to say.

Tomorrow is my final WI for the month. I really hope I lost at least a half pound - that would put me back at -50 pounds gone. I didn't track at all this week, but I really put an effort in to make good choices. I am hopeful that it will pay off.

Until tomorrow...

Day 27 - Holding steady.

2011-06-27T22:05:00.000-04:00

According to my home scale, I am on trend for an STS this week. But I've been into the alcohol a bit, and some salty stuff, and I know my water consumption could use some work. Maybe if I correct that in the next few days I will have a (little) loss?

I went to check out my MoH dress today - OMG it is stunning. How many people get to say that? :) The lovely bride did ask for my input when choosing dresses, so I did veer her toward one that I liked, but she did have the ultimate say. Anyway my dress is in, I tried it on, and I LOVE it. The colour is divine, the cut is flattering, and it's modern and pretty. It fits me very well as is, and will only need a few minor alterations - shorten the straps, take it in a bit around the chest, and let it out at the waist a tiny bit for breathability. It will be ready and hanging in my closet as of July 9th. :)

Having it in my home almost two months early will be great - I'll have time to find some supportive undergarments, and it will motivate me to stay on plan. I sure would love to lose a few more inches around the tummy. But even if I don't, I feel incredibly beautiful and attractive and THIN in the dress. Imagine that. I love this feeling. :)

Day 26 - A great day

2011-06-26T22:39:00.000-04:00

What a great day - toy store, healthy homemade lunch, Angry Birds, blowing bubbles, Plasma Car, new kitchen gadgets, healthy homemade supper, hugs & kisses, movie, and beer.

That's all I have the energy to talk about tonight - I'm off to bed! Lots of great new memories made today. :)

Day 25 - Busy

2011-06-25T22:09:00.000-04:00

My blogging might be a little sparse for a few days - my parents are in town visiting until Tuesday. We went out for supper tonight after they arrived and I ended up having three incredible slices of "Umbria" pizza (spicy chicken, spinach, goat cheese)... OMG it was to die for. I have no idea how many points but it was worth every single one.

(Not to be outdone, my tiny little 30-pounds-soaking-wet child, put away FOUR slices of pizza. Good golly).

Tonight was a treat for me but I will be making every effort to be 100% OP and accountable for the rest of this visit.

Day 24 - When you fail to plan...

2011-06-24T20:07:00.000-04:00

... you plan to fail. And that is why I ended up having a bag of mini rice cakes for lunch. Damage: 12 points. Whoops.

We have virtually no groceries in the house, and have been so busy that we haven't managed a trip to the grocery store. Hence the somewhat point-y, nutritionally imbalanced snackfood which today doubled as a meal.

Oh well. It's still early in the week for me, I have most of my weekly points available, and my lunches tend to be around 8-9 points anyway, so this is not the end of the world. But it is a sobering reminder that I have to go grocery shopping, stat!

Day 23 - A quiet day

2011-06-23T23:14:00.000-04:00

I'm still riding high after yesterday's success. I feel like nothing is going to get me down! What a 180 from my attitude in the last few months. I've let too many external forces get to me, and they weighed me down (no pun intended). Weight loss is about me, and my internal mechanisms only. If an external force is exerting pressure on me, it's still my internal dialogue that will determine what effect it will have on me.

Deep thoughts.

* * * * * * * * * *
As an aside, I was looking through pictures of my son's first year. What struck me is how small he was, and how big I was. That was when I reached my all-time highest weight. Although I may long for the days when my guy was still a little baby, I will never want to back to where I was.

Day 22 - Awesome WI!

2011-06-22T22:45:00.000-04:00

It wasn't my imagination - I was down 1.5 lbs this week, awesome! No wonder I've been feeling so good lately. I'm down 5 lbs. in three weeks. I'm loving this!

I'm feeling super-inspired for my last week of this challenge. I'm going to finish strong. :)

It's amazing what you can do, when you believe in yourself and in your power to change. Even my hubby has been inspired, just by watching me and by improving his own eating habits.

That feels so incredible.

Day 21 - I'm all that....

2011-06-21T21:49:00.000-04:00

.... but no bag of chips! I've gone 21 days without my most favouritest, most cravingest, most loved AND most hated food stuff out there. Whoo! That is a huge accomplishment for me.

And, I'm feeling pretty fine today! I wore a new pair of jeans, size 14 (just a shade big), which camoflaged the mummy tummy and made my legs look long and lean. Then I got my hair cut, and I feel like I'm looking pretty hawt. I had to stop at the supermarket afterward, and I was strutting down those aisles like I was on a runway!

Simply put, I feel fresh and new, from the inside out. The last three weeks have been a wonder for me. I'm already cooking up my next challenge, for July, because I want to keep this amazing feeling. :)

Tomorrow is WI - I hope the scale reflects how I feel!

Day 20 - Lazy

2011-06-20T20:34:00.000-04:00

So I am starting to feel pretty confident about my eating as of late. I've gone almost three weeks without any kind of junk food, and I'm not missing it. I am tending to instinctively make good choices again, which sometimes feels like 90% of the battle.

But ever since the 5K, my activity levels have declined BIG TIME. Maybe activity is 90% of the battle? All I know is, I am wayyyy behind now on my minutes goal for the month, and I'm sitting on the couch thinking about all the reasons I don't want to work out. Gah.

I have to just.do.it. No overthinking required - just go and get changed, and hop on the treadmill. Blast some tunes. Away I go. The problem is I always feel like there is something better to do with my time. Still having troubles making myself a priority. :S

Day 19 - Father's Day

2011-06-19T23:07:00.001-04:00

Today I made an effort to get back into my rhythm. This morning I sauteed some onions, sweet peppers, and mushrooms and threw a portion into a breakfast burrito. Leftovers are in the fridge for quick breakfasts during the week ahead. If I can get a veggie serving in at breakfast it really helps me for the rest of the day.

I didn't have a lunch per se, as I ended up napping with my son (awww), but I had an iced latte and a banana for snacks so I crossed off a milk and two more fruit servings there.

Father's Day dinner was BBQed chicken with corn and roasted baby potatoes on the side. Another iced latte after dinner as we unexpectedly were invited out by some friends, and voila, I got in all my milks and veggie servings today. Phew.

Still no movement on the activity front - I've been very lazy. I need to work on that.

That's it for now, until tomorrow...

Day 18 - Losing momentum

2011-06-19T00:18:00.000-04:00

I had an okay day food-wise. I ate only to my target points, but my choices were not stellar. I missed a milk serving and a F&V serving. Looots of carbs and coffee today, not much protein or water. No activity to speak of.

Sigh. This takes real work to maintain over the long term.

On the positive side of things, today I met up with a friend whom I have not seen in a very long time. Literally the first words out of her mouth were "wow, you look fantastic." So, that's motivation to continue, even when the going gets tough.

Tomorrow will be better. I will get in some activity. I will follow the GHGs. I will make myself a priority (even though it's Father's Day). I am important, too.

Day 17 - Movie Night

2011-06-17T23:02:00.000-04:00

I think I deserve a freaking halo. Or maybe just a high-five. :)

Tonight we got a babysitter and the hubby and I went out for an early Father's Day treat. And it was a trial, trying to stick to my plan.

Dinner: we were rushed so stopped for supper at Wendy's. One of my criteria for the month was no deep-fried fast-food. So, I ordered the grilled chicken sandwich, and no fries.

Movie: hubby ordered the Gigantor tub of popcorn. I didn't have any rules regarding popcorn per se, but it's a slippery slope so I had only a few small handfuls (tracked). However the Junior Mints were calling my name, but I can't have any chocolate this month. So I abstained, but I really wanted them.

Home: got home and the babysitter only ate half of the bag of M&Ms we bought for her. I handed the bag to hubby and told him to either eat them or hide them. He obliged.

No activity in the last few days unfortunately, but I'll be correcting that tomorrow. The in-laws were supposed to be visiting this weekend but those plans fell through, so my weekend is mostly free again. Looooots of time to go to the gym this weekend. :)

Day 16 - Migraine

2011-06-16T22:55:00.000-04:00

Ugh, so I woke up in the middle of the night last night, with what may have been the worst migraine I have had in a really long time. My poor poochie was so freaked out that she sat right beside me on my side of the bed, and she kept whining and licking my elbow! She got a little treat this morning for being a sweet and loyal pup. Anyway, after lots of good drugs and cold compresses last night, I finally managed to fall asleep again.

Today, however, I was walking around in a post-migraine hangover fog. It was terrible. And the worst part is, I just threw my lunch together and I haven't tracked a single thing all day.

At least it is day 1 of my WW week - I have all my extra points to use, and I haven't gone overboard. I'll track it all tomorrow when I'm feeling better, I promise. :)

For now, I'm off to bed, and hoping for a much better night's sleep than last night.

Day 15 - WI

2011-06-15T23:13:00.001-04:00

Down 1.0 lbs. tonight.

Wish it was more.

Happy it wasn't less.

Day 14 - WI tomorrow

2011-06-14T21:30:00.000-04:00

I'm feeling nervous. Tomorrow I go to WI. What if it is not a good result? Historically the week after I have a good loss, I get nada at the scale. And last week I lost 2.5 - but honestly I have made so many changes in the last two weeks, that if I get nada I might get seriously depressed.

It is so hard to maintain the momentum and enthusiasm for weight loss. I've been at this for over two years and I'm only halfway to where I want to be. I really, really want this month-long challenge to kick start my weight loss again, and I'm terrified of being disappointed.

I wish I was a regular loser. I wish I was one of those people who know that as long as they put the work in, they will see a loss. I feel like every week is a crapshoot when I get to the scale.

I need to stop freaking out. Off I go to get another glass of water.....

Day 13 - Monday blahs

2011-06-13T20:19:00.000-04:00

Today was just a day. Nothing spectacular to report. Although, I realized that after 13 days of no junk, my cravings have significantly lessened. So I guess that is something spectacular after all!

I'm getting behind on my activity - I need to kick it up a notch. Lucky for me I just got some motivation in the form of a phone call - my Matron of Honour dress has arrived! I was hoping to lose a little more weight and then have it altered, but it arrived early. Maybe I can delay the alterations by another month??? The wedding is in three months, so I have a little time yet. :)

I'm a little stiff from the 5K yesterday, but I think another go-round on the treadmill will help loosen me up again. That, and a bubble bath - it's cold tonight and that sounds so decadent. Hmm, the faster I go work out, the faster I can have my bath! Off I go then! ;)

Day 12 - 5K done!

2011-06-12T10:02:00.001-04:00

Whooo! I just got home. I did the WW/Running Room 5K Walk-It challenge this morning. The weather was a little sketchy at first, I felt some raindrops early on, but there was a cool breeze for the rest of the race, which helped counter the humidity.

Can I just say that I rock? I ROCK!!! I wanted to do the 5K under an hour. Well I did - I finished in 50 minutes!!!

I'm completely drenched in sweat but I feel fabulous. And now I'm off to have a shower and plan the rest of my day. :)

Day 11 - Event success!

2011-06-11T20:10:00.000-04:00

I survived! Yes, my neck feels much better today but I'm referring to the fact that I stayed 100% OP while at a child's birthday party with my son. :)

It was a gorgeous day so we spent it outside; however the food choices were a little grim for a WWer. Lunch was hamburgers and the creamiest macaroni salad you've ever seen, bowls and bowls of chips abound, and then of course, cupcakes for dessert. Nary a fruit or a veggie in sight.

I had a hamburger. And a strawberry margharita (I didn't say anything about no booze on my 30-Day challenge, hee). I found myself automatically reach for the chips, a few times (old habits die hard) but I didn't actually eat any. Oh, and the cupcakes! There were chocolate and vanilla - of course the fat side of my brain said that a vanilla cupcake wouldn't be breaking any of my rules.... But I abstained. They looked so good though.

So I have eaten well today although I will have to have some sort of fruit/veggie as a snack later on to get my full 5 servings for the day. And I need to get in some activity so I'll be hitting the treadmill shortly.

All in all, though, it was a great day.

Day 10 - Ouch!

2011-06-10T21:48:00.000-04:00

I'm so stiff and sore today - I was giving my son a piggyback ride yesterday, when he lunged backward (on purpose) and then grabbed my neck to pull himself forward again. Well I guess that little incident kinked up my neck because it has been achy all day today, and my range of motion is not that great.

I wanted to work out tonight but I don't think that is the best idea ever, considering the circumstances. I am going to try to get a good night's rest tonight and hopefully I will feel better in the morning. I have one of those magic bean pillow-things; I should heat that bad boy up and take it to bed with me. :)

Eating was good today although I ended up using +8 weekly points, a few more than I am comfortable with using on a daily basis. I have been craving something sweet tonight, but I don't want to go more into the weekly points, so I just poured myself a diet cola over ice, which seems to be helping take the edge off.

Tomorrow's challenge: I am taking my son to a birthday party, which will be interesting, given my no chocolate or potato chips or regular pop rules! I may have to eat lunch before we go over there, just in case there isn't a veggie or fruit tray to snack from. I will need strength to stay away from the birthday cake!!!

Day 9 - Off to the gym!

2011-06-09T20:28:00.001-04:00

"When you don't want to, is when you need to the most".

I don't remember who said that, or where I got that quote from, but it's stayed in my head for, oh... years now. Because it is so.damn.true.

I don't want to exercise today. I want to curl up on my couch and read my book, drink a latte, and veg for the night. But if I do that, then it will have been three days since I was last there and that just won't do. I can feel myself getting apathetic again... No good comes from that.

So I am kicking my own butt off the couch tonight and I'm going to go sweat. And, guaranteed, when I am done I will feel like a million bucks. I know this - so why is it so gosh darn difficult???

In related news, I just bought myself the absolutely cutest gym bag on the planet. I found it at Costco for a whopping $19.99:

I freaking love this bag. It's adorable, it's functional, and it was a steal. And it matches my eyes. Hah! Since I never got around to buying myself a reward for reaching -50 pounds lost (for the whole week I was down -50 before starting to put the pounds back on), I'm going to call this bag my reward. And I am currently only -3 pounds away from re-reaching that major milestone.

I had better hurry to the gym in order to make that happen. :)

Day 8 (a little late)

2011-06-09T06:47:00.000-04:00

I had absolutely zero time to post yesterday. My day went well, although I did splurge at the end of the night and got an iced capp to celebrate a week well done. Today is officially the start of week 2!

No activity done in the last two days so I have to kick it up a notch tonight, and aim for at least an hour.

I hit Costco during my lunch break yesterday and we are all stocked up for BBQ season! I got a huge package of sausages, six different flavours included (5 P+ each), some huge souvlaki-marinated pork steaks which will have to be cut in half after cooking (10 P+ for the whole huge steak), and the family sized pack of ground beef. I spent the evening dividing it all into small, freezable portions, and now we are ready to bring on the BBQ! I love summer. :)

Day 7 - First temptation

2011-06-07T21:34:00.000-04:00

Down 2.5 lbs. at WI tonight, YAY!!!

Today was hard though, I'm not gonna lie. First, there was a birthday at my workplace, so there was birthday cake. A chocolate caramel fudge cake. OMG - it looked amazing. But, I stayed true to my no-chocolate goal for the month, and I didn't have any. :)

Today was also a hungry day. Nothing was satisfying me today. Why? Hmm. I was truly hungry, but partly it was a bit of boredom. It wasn't as busy at work today as it has been. Interesting.

Anyway after my meeting I picked up a grilled chicken sandwich and a plain baked potato (which I slathered in salsa) for supper and that helped to fill the void. I'm still over for my day by a good 8 or 9 points, but I still had 30-something of my WPA left so it's okay. Technically tomorrow is the last day of my WW week so I can't go hog-wild with the weekly points, but overall I have done well. I tracked every single day, and I had some great activity this week. I'm sore all through my legs from my workout last night, so I think I have earned a night off from the treadmill, and a nice soak in the bubble bath.

Day 6 - Almost done week one

2011-06-06T21:32:00.000-04:00

I'm enjoying this daily blogging; I'm so glad I started it up again. It helps to get my thoughts down, even if no one other than me reads it. It really keeps me focused during the day.

I'm heading to my WW WI one day early this week - my WW buddy can't make it to our usual Wednesday meeting so we're going together tomorrow instead. I hope the hard work this week pays off! I have a feeling it will be good, though. I wore a pair of khaki's today that haven't been comfortable (or flattering) in a long while, and they felt fine and looked good to boot. So, tomorrow's post will have my Week 1 results. Fingers crossed!

Interesting that I have had virtually no cravings this week. I don't know if it is because I just felt so darn determined or what, but I'm not complaining. If every week is as easy as this week has been, I'd be at my goal weight in no time! But there will always be hiccups and challenges and bumps in the road - I have to make sure I'm still determined when I have my next hiccup. :)

Day 5 - Finding my routine

2011-06-05T16:36:00.000-04:00

First: the Asparagus Risotto was to.die.for. I highly recommend it.

Second: BodyFlow is a helluva lot more work than the name implies! We sauntered down to the gym this morning; the class started at 11am. In my head, I was already counting the points as "low" intensity for the hour. Uh, no. Within ten minutes, the sweat was pouring off my body! But, it felt amazing - I will definitely have to take that class again. My whole body feels stretched and limber. What a great way to relieve stress.

Third: an oopsie and a yay. After the gym we headed to the Bux to get a post-workout drink. I wanted my usual light blended coffee drink - they were out of the light so I opted for the regular, but with non-fat milk and no whip. I was hoping it wouldn't make a lot of difference points-wise. Well, it almost doubled the points value of the drink! I won't be doing that again. Lesson learned.

When I got home hubby announced that we are meeting some friends out for dinner tonight, which is great as we haven't seen them in a while. So, I immediately went to the restaurant website to choose what I will eat, and then I calculated the points and tracked it. So, despite the disastrous drink, I have recovered the day and am still in control.

Day 4 - Feeling pumped!

2011-06-04T17:56:00.001-04:00

Up early with my son today so I took advantage and cut up some veggies to throw into my scrambled eggs for breakfast, and I chopped up a few extra for tomorrow too! I've done so well today with my eating. Usually the weekends are a bit of a crapshoot, but I stocked up at the store yesterday so I had zero excuses!

I made it out to the gym this afternoon. I was still swollen from my shot yesterday so I bypassed the weights again and stuck to cardio. I worked up a good sweat though! Tomorrow I'll be going to my first BodyFlow class - exciting!

Hubby is making steak on the BBQ for supper tonight, and I am making the WW Asparagus Risotto to go with, and a salad on the side. Yum, I can't wait. It should be quite filling and not too bad in points.

I bought a new dress this week; it was on sale for 70% off (frugal find!). I don't normally wear dresses (because I don't like how I look in them), but this one was so gorgeous, in the colours that are just so me, and the price was certainly right, so I took a leap. It's a size L and fits me now, though it shows off all my lumps and bumps. It will look better in 10 more pounds, so I'm going to get hubby to take a picture of me in it, to use as my "before" picture, and also for me to use as a bit of motivation to keep up the good work!

Day 3 - Still going strong!

2011-06-03T20:18:00.000-04:00

Well I have made it to Day 3 - quite an accomplishment for me these days, ha ha. :)

Today's challenges:

I felt hungry. I was famished by the time dinner was on the table. I tell myself this is a good thing - it's a sign that I am on the right track, and my body is preparing to do what it needs to in order to drop some pounds. I've only used 4 WPA today though, which I am happy about - I don't like using too many early in the WW week.
I haven't slept well in 3 nights now (allergies) and I am exhausted. I don't think I will be getting a workout in tonight. I've had a long week and I don't feel bad about taking the night off. Especially since I have the whole weekend free, and I will likely be putting in at least an hour at the gym on both Saturday and Sunday.
I went to see my Allergist today for my weekly injections, and they increased my dose - and now I am swelling up a bit in my right arm. I will have to be careful for the next day or so - no lifting weights until the swelling goes away. That could take another 24 hours, so I will stick to cardio at the gym tomorrow.

Today's temptations: None! :)

Things that made me happy today:

I feel good. I feel in control again.
Hubby said I am looking thin - I think I'll keep him!
I stopped at the market and bought a ton of fresh fruit and veggies - it was all so fresh, and cheap! I love summer.
I bought some asparagus to make the WW Asparagus Risotto recipe, which I have been wanting to try for weeks. Oh, and I always thought my hubby hated asparagus (he's picky with veggies), but he's keen to try the recipe!

My 30 Day Personal Challenge

2011-06-02T22:33:00.004-04:00

Ugh, my internet is slow as molasses lately, which is unfortunate, as I am starting a personal challenge for the month of June and had hoped to blog about it every day. I already missed yesterday because I couldn't get the page to load!

Anyway. I have decided that once and for all, I am going to make this weight-loss business work. How am I going to do that, you ask? Well, this is what I am challenging myself to do in the month of June (30 full days):

-NO junk food (pop, chips, chocolate, or fast-food that is deep fried)
-Minimum 900 minutes of activity (~30 minutes a day)
-Blog every day, because I always do better when I blog consistently
-Tweaking WWP+ to 27 DPA; I think the 29 might be too much for me so I'm experimenting

I may add to that as the month goes on, but it's a start. Tody is Day 2 and so far so good! I ate well, no temptations, and I ate to my adjusted target. My workout for the day was a program on the treadmill that I haven't done before - more hills but a consistent (fast) speed. It kicked my ass but I feel so amazing right now. Five minutes in, I wanted to quit, but I kept going and even though the sweat was pouring off me, I finished.

Only 2 days in, and I feel fantastic. :)

The "S" Word

2011-05-23T07:43:00.002-04:00

Sabotage.

I don't know why I can't get my shiznit together.

I overate again, this weekend.

I'm starting over again today.

I'm not happy with myself.

But I feel powerless to change.

Disappointment, Denial and Desperation

2011-05-21T07:25:00.002-04:00

I racked up another STS this week. Ugh. I really do think my body is "comfortable" at this weight since I've been bouncing up and down between the same 5 pounds for such a long time now.

Most of the time I would say I look ok. Then, there are days like Thursday, when I try on some summer clothes and realize how truly skewed my perception of myself is. I don't look ok. I look like I need to lose another 40 pounds. Nothing is flattering on my body at this weight, if there is no drapery to cover it all up.

I have to figure out how to get my body to cooperate. I have to get this weight off. Even the first 20 and I will look and feel so much better. I find myself considering doing things that the me of old would never consider - crash diets and the like. I know it's not healthy. I have to trust in the program I am on and that it will take me where I need to go. But dammit how long do I have to wait?

A good start...

2011-05-14T07:09:00.003-04:00

Ok, I think I've gotten over my massive two-month slump, and I feel in control again so it's time to come back to blogging.

I lost 3 pounds this week! Ok so I had gained two the week before (PMS) but whatever, it's gone now right? I'm on the way back down again.

So, I have made two goals to remotivate me:

One, I'd like to lose 20 pounds by September, which is when I will be standing in my best friend's wedding. This breaks down to roughly 5 pounds a month, which is completely achievable if I just get up off my arse and do it! Hehehe.

Two, I have committed to climbing the CN Tower with a friend, in October. Yep, that would be 1,776 steps to the top, spread out over 144 floors. Well, I can't climb the tower in my current shape, so I am starting to train.

So.... yesterday I went to the gym and approached the stair climber with equal parts excitement and fear. I really want to get back into shape and to achieve this goal that has been in the back of my head, ever since I restarted WW after my son was born. But, let's face it, I'm not in great shape yet and still have 40 lbs to lose so this is going to take some hard work.

Anyway, I got on the stair climber and did 15 minutes, the equivalent of 40 floors. It wasn't too bad! I could definitely feel it in my calves and my glutes, and I sure worked up a sweat, but I did it. I didn't die, I didn't fall off, I didn't give up.

I still have a ways to go, but I have 5 months to train. I think I'd like to aim for getting up the tower in 35-40 minutes, so I will be hitting the gym regularly to build up my endurance and strength. First I will work on just doing the stair climber for that length of time, even if I have to go slow. Then, once I have the endurance to go that long, I will start to work on speed.

And, all this exercise is bound to help me lose weight. Look out, because come fall I am going to be one hot Mama!

Stop the madness!

2011-04-28T22:01:00.002-04:00

Well, I was up 3. Not a shocker, considering how I ate over the holiday.

I need to wrestle control back. I need to. I'm up almost five pounds since I hit -50 last month. I still can't believe that I'm going through this roller coaster again.

When will I ever learn?

Harumph

2011-04-16T07:57:00.002-04:00

Well, I was down 0.5 on Wednesday and I found that a little disappointing. I had been spot-on with my eating, I had gone to the gym, I drank my water and checked off all my GHG boxes. In other words, I did everything right. Maybe my body will play catch-up next week. Until then, I have to just keep plugging away at it.

Moment of truth

2011-04-12T19:15:00.002-04:00

Well I have had a successful WW week. I exercised, I tracked, I didn't go over in points. I wish I could say that I know by now what to expect to do at the scale tomorrow, but the truth is, I still don't understand my body well enough to predict a 2 lb. loss or a 0.5 lb. loss.

I'll hope for the former, but as always, I'll be happy with any loss at all.

Reflections

2011-04-09T08:18:00.003-04:00

I'm not very happy with myself, because I think I have gotten too happy with myself.

I looked at myself in the mirror yesterday. I mean, I really looked. It was while I was getting dressed, so I was just in my skivvies at the time. And I didn't really like what I was seeing.

I think I'm very good at fooling myself. I've gotten very good at dressing to hide problem areas, to look pulled together and professional. So, most of the time, I think I don't look that bad. But underneath it all... ugh. I am not where I want to be. I still need to lose another 40 pounds.

I have been too comfortable with myself at this point in my weight loss. I'm happy with my progress, with the kinds of clothes I can wear, and because I can see a difference in my body. Perhaps I haven't been pushing myself enough to go further.

All I know is, I need to keep going, until the underneath matches the outside image I have been presenting.

Love Letter

2011-04-07T20:04:00.004-04:00

Dear blog,

How nice to see you again. I'm sorry I've been away for so long. I have had so much on my plate for these last few weeks, that even though I thought of you often, I never quite found my way back to you.

I know you are having the last laugh, though. It seems whenever I step away from you for too long, my weight loss suffers for it. It's certainly true in this case. The last time we spoke I had suddenly reached 50 pounds lost. And then I went away, and so did the 50 pound milestone.

Fear not, dear blog. I could never leave you for good. Though I may be busy, you always help me sort out the thoughts in my head, and I will always return to you. You'll be happy to know I did achieve a loss at WW yesterday, and though I'm not quite back to 50, I know you will help me get back there soon.

Love,
Lessismore.

Ohmigod - 50 lbs!!!

2011-03-19T08:26:00.002-04:00

Well, this past week was incredibly schizophrenic, that is for sure. Impossible lows followed by unexpected highs. My husband lost his job, I was in a car accident (no injuries, thankfully) and the car was written off by our insurance company, and then I came down with a cold...

I should note that I didn't exercise much at all this week, though I did continue to follow my food plan. Several times I was tempted to eat my emotions away with some junk food, but I didn't, I stayed OP.

On Wednesday night I still felt rough, but well enough to go to my meeting. I stepped on the scale, and the receptionist gasped....

I HAD LOST FOUR POUNDS?!?!?! Which brought me to a total loss of -50.5!!! I had finally earned my 50 pound token - amazing. :-D

I have no idea how I lost four pounds in one week, I certainly hadn't expected to do so, but I wasn't going to complain!

This week, I am trying to be as disciplined as I can; I have a feeling my body will try to course-correct if I indulge at all. I don't want to backslide after such an incredible week! Those 50 pounds are going to stay gone, for good. :)

Bumps in the road...

2011-03-13T11:48:00.003-04:00

Did you ever hear the one about the woman whose husband lost his job and then their only car got wrecked on the very same day?

Yeah, I'm not finding it funny either. Unfortunately this is my life.

I have had all sorts of legitimate reasons and excuses to eat poorly since Friday, when this all happened. Would anyone really blame me if I ate that bag of chips, or if I had succumbed to the french fries and chicken wings craving?

Well I haven't. I'm still on track and now that I know I can do it, I can get through periods of immense stress without falling back on my food crutch, I know I finally have won the weight battle. The weight is never coming back on again.

And on a positive note, there were absolutely no injuries other than a few bumps and bruises in the accident. And my glass-is-half-empty husband has chosen to be positive about his job hunt, and is even welcoming the forthcoming change!

Finally... Goodbye 180s!

2011-03-10T19:49:00.002-05:00

Well after a less-than-stellar week, I trudged off to my WI, expecting to see a gain. I would have earned it; I ate everything that wasn't nailed down on Monday and Tuesday nights.

I got on the scale, did a double-take, and asked my leader if she was seeing what I was seeing. She laughed and gave me a big hug, saying "You did it!" And she wrote in my book... 179.0, down 1 lb. **Happy Dancing!!**

I'm back on track today; just because a miracle happened last week, it doesn't mean I can expect the same this week. This week, I will head to my meeting expecting a loss. :)

Oh, and 3.5 to go to hit the big 5-0!

Revelation

2011-03-05T06:37:00.002-05:00

Sometimes I can really get hung up on the number. The weight I'm at, the weight I need to lose. I focus too much on the big picture instead of the little incremental milestones that mark successes along my journey. Goal is just, well, the end.

So, for a while now I've been thinking about still having 45 pounds to go; I'm only halfway, and still need to lose 45 pounds to get to goal.

But then I realized something, which in hindsight is kind of funny: in only 20 pounds I will no longer be obese. I will be at a weight I remember being comfortable at. Clothes looked good and fit well at that weight. Shopping was fun at that weight, there was no shortage of cute flattering clothes. And I was happy. So, won't it be great for me to lose those next 20 pounds? Who cares if that's not my end goal. It still a goal.

I shouldn't be focusing on the 45. I should be eagerly anticipating the next 20!

Bummer

2011-03-03T06:40:00.002-05:00

I really wanted to reach the 170s, finally, this week. All I had to do was lose half a pound. I went to my meeting last night and weighed in at exactly... 180.0. Bummer. That's a STS over the last two weeks.

I'm trying to be positive and look on the bright side of things - I was on vacation for a week, and I was sick for a week, and I didn't gain! - but I'm still a little bummed. I have been in the 180s forever and I am so done with them. I really want to see a 170-something number, it'll feel like I'm making progress again.

I ate well, met my GHG's, and only used 20 of my weekly points. But I didn't exercise, at all, this week.

So, I guess I know what I need to do this week. Get back on that treadmill. :)

I'm starting to worry about my MoH dress... I'll have to order it by the end of this month and I don't want to look like a fat girl in a pretty dress.

Recovering

2011-02-26T06:44:00.002-05:00

On day one of my vacation, I woke up with razor blades in my throat. I eked out some time before we left to go to a drop-in clinic, and was swabbed for Strep (which I found out almost a week later that it was positive); the doctor also noticed that there was fluid behind both eardrums, so luckily she didn't wait for the results of the swab and put me on antibiotics.

My vacation went great, other than having to keep up the pain relief regimen for my throat for the first two days. I tried to be mindful of what I was eating and I tried to make the best choices I could. Some days that worked out great - in Fredericton I had the most delicious goat cheese and steak salad (dressing on the side) for dinner. Other days, not so much - one night in Halifax we went to a Greek restaurant and I hit the tzaziki and pita a little hard. Another night my husband wanted to have some authentic maritime lobster, so we asked around and found a little hole-in-the-wall restaurant that is popular with the locals. The food was fantastic but the menu was limited (well unless you wanted seafood, which I am allergic to). So I had breaded chicken fingers and fries that night. (Hubby enjoyed his 'Pinchy' though).

Buffet breakfasts were easy to manoeuver - bowl of fresh fruit, scrambled eggs, and yogurt. Lunches were usually on the go, so we packed sandwiches or hit a submarine sandwich shop. All in all, not too bad.

We flew home on Wednesday and I was unable to get to my meeting that night, as our son was sick the whole time we were away. Hubby and I were getting a little concerned so we left to pick up the little guy from his grandparents and we didn't get back until late that night. Happily he seems to be on the mend now, too.

I did weigh myself on my home scale though. It showed me up +2, though I have my doubts about the accuracy of that. Flying always makes me retain water. And the antibiotics I have been on have *ahem* not been treating my system well. I won't go there in detail, but it is also making me retain water. I am so bloated I can almost feel myself sloshing around. Anyway I am done the antibiotics today and am looking forward to dropping this water weight. I sure hope that things have evened out by next Wednesday because I really, really want to shake hands with the 170s this week.

Since I have been back, I've been back to being 110% OP, and I see the number on the scale going down too. I took it easy from exercise while I was unwell, and I am well enough now to ramp up the intensity once more. All of this should mean a loss this week.

Quick Update

2011-02-19T07:50:00.002-05:00

I'm on vacation right now! Whee! I'll be a little sporadic at posting for the next few days, but I just had to come on and announce the results of my last weigh-in!

Down one more pound for a Grand Total of 45.5 pounds lost! Which is also halfway to goal (*finally*) and also 20% of my starting weight, GONE!

I am so excited and determined to keep going.

This week is a little tricky as I am eating solely restaurant food for the entire week. I am doing my best and making the best choices I can (last night = steak and goat cheese salad, dressing on the side, mmmmmmmm). We're on the road now but once we arrive at our destination, we should have a gym in that hotel so I will be able to work out.

All I need is 0.5 to hit the 170s next week, so that is what I am working toward. :)

Weekend Update

2011-02-13T13:13:00.003-05:00

I like to peek at the scale mid-week to see how I'm doing. It's really more to get an idea of whether I'm trending down, more than the actual number on the scale. The number I see on the weekend is often lower than what I see at my Wednesday meeting. But it does help me gauge my progress.

Well, didn't my beautiful, glorious scale indicate that I am solidly in the 170s (177.3!) which is ~2 pounds down from Wednesday! I sure hope that will stick for my official weigh-in this week. (I promise I won't be disappointed if it doesn't though - this is how my body fluctuates and I am aware of that). Even still, that was a decent number to see after drinking half a bottle of wine last night, and eating half a bag of popcorn. I thought for sure that the number would be higher.

~~Happy Dancing!~~

I went to the gym yesterday, where I did some cardio and then the weight circuit. Every time I got to a machine that really worked my arms, I would gasp out "bridesmaid!" to get me through the last few reps. :) I felt really pumped and healthy after leaving. Unfortunately it did not last as I seem to have developed an overly zealous runny nose. I really hope this doesn't turn into a full-blown cold, so I am babying myself today just in case.

Weekend Lists

2011-02-12T07:00:00.003-05:00

Everyone loves a list, right? I'm feeling list-y.

Top 4 NSV's this week:

Jeans that were "just a little big" two weeks ago, are now unwearable. They were sliding right off my hips when I tried them on! Does this mean shopping on the horizon? :)
Complimented twice by coworkers who are noticing my weight loss.
Complimented several times by an appreciative hubby who is enjoying his "new skinny wife"
The realization that exercise has become a habit over the last 6 weeks. I am doing it automatically, and even enjoying it!

And here's one more, just cause I like to see it in writing. :)

Top 4 Milestones I hope to reach in the next 2 weeks:

45 pound star (only need another 0.5 pound gone!)
20% total loss (also 45 pounds)
Half-way point (45/90 pounds gone)
Reach the 170s (1.5 pounds to go!)

Almost there!

2011-02-10T06:13:00.003-05:00

Well I haven't posted since my snack attack last week. I had a pretty busy weekend full of activities, and I ended up going over my weekly 49, by an extra 10, by Monday night. So that night I tracked it all in my journal, and decided that by doing an hour on the treadmill on both Monday and Tuesday, I would earn 10 extra APs which would put me back in the black. I wasn't sure that would be enough to actually lose weight this week, or if I would end up with a STS, but I was going to try.

So, I was pleasantly surprised by a 1 lb. loss this week which brings me to a grand total of -44.5 pounds! I am so happy to be moving past this plateau I was stuck at for the last ~6 months. Each week now, is a brand new low weight, and I love it!

Goals coming soon: half a pound to get my 45 pound star, and 1.5 more pounds to get into the 170s! Not to mention that 45 pounds gone, is the halfway point in my weight loss, as my ultimate goal is going to be somewhere around 90 lbs. lost. I am planning to be extra diligent this week, and I will definitely get that 45 pound star next week! And hopefully into the elusive 170s sometime in the next two weeks.

Hubby and the munchkin are going away this weekend to give me some time alone to get some work done around the house. But that also means that I will have the time to meet a friend at her gym twice, both Saturday and Sunday. Plus with my normal workouts at home, I will have zero excuses to not rock the week!

Snack Attack

2011-02-05T08:17:00.003-05:00

Snap out of it!

Ugh, ever since WI on Wednesday I have been snacking snacking snacking! This is terrible. I know it is because of PMS but I need to get control of myself! I ate 18 weekly points yesterday alone, just on snacking. The hubby had chips in the house so of course I had a serving of those; then there was the vitamuffin that I ate over the sink, the three rice cakes I ate while watching TV and I made two lattes with my home brewer. And not the skinny kind, either.

Why did I do this, really? Partly it's PMS; I could eat anything that's not nailed down. But last night it was really just due to boredom. My hubby had the chips out in preparation for his weekend away with the guys. I'm a single parent for the weekend, which is fine, but once my little monkey went to bed I surfed the net and watched 2 hours of reality TV. What I should have done was a WORKOUT.

Oh yeah, what are those? Cause I haven't done one since Monday. Garrrhhhhhh.

I have to wrestle back control. Statistically, if I start a week off making poor choices, the turning point is always Saturday. If I can get control on Saturday then I can salvage my week. If I don't, well, I'm looking at a gain come Wednesday.

So the choice is pretty clear - stick to my daily points today and do a long hard workout after the munchkin goes to bed. And snacking is limited to fruits & veggies only.

Scale Victory

2011-02-03T06:00:00.005-05:00

I was so worried about my weigh in last night. I must admit that I have let a lot of the negative P+ talk on the boards get to me; even though I truly believe the new program works, I was concerned about what I would do if I didn't have a decent loss this week. The last two weeks in a row had been less than stellar at the scale and it was getting discouraging. But I braved the snowstorm and trekked to my meeting, and found out that I lost -1.5 lbs this week! I am both proud and relieved.

In four weeks doing P+ faithfully, I have lost 3.5 pounds total (-2.5 / 0 / +0.5 / -1.5). Even though it's kind of choppy, I am trending down. And more than my usual 0.5 lb/week average! I hope to keep this up. ;)

My goals are to lose 30 lbs by September, when I will be the Matron of Honour in my best friend's wedding, and to reach my ultimate goal by the end of 2011. I figure if I can lose ~5 lbs a month, both of these goals are achievable. I just have to somehow increase my average loss a little bit higher. I think the key for me will be activity, so I will have to continue concentrating on that.

Oh yeah, and I'm currently sitting at 43.5 pounds down, which puts me within striking distance of my 45 pound star, which is also the halfway point of my total weight loss. What a relief it will be to be half done!

Mid-week assessment

2011-01-30T11:12:00.003-05:00

Well I am halfway done my WW week and despite my eating being spot-on (hello, only 5/30 WPA used so far!) my activity hasn't been quite as good as I had planned.

Yesterday I was still incredibly sore from Day 1 of the Shred (which I did on Thursday), so I didn't feel ready to do it again even though it was "scheduled". I don't want to cause injury so I may have to ease into it at first, and build up to doing it every other day (the 60 Day Shred).

So to make up for those lost activity minutes yesterday, I did a half hour on the treadmill instead. I kept my speed the same but because my legs were still stiff, I definitely worked harder than usual. It felt good though. I like this, using my body. I feel so much stronger and it is definitely helping with my moods.

I am also happy to report that I am feeling much better today, and I will definitely do Day 2 of the Shred tonight.

So, as of yesterday I have only done 50/150 minutes of activity for the week. Today's Shred will add another 20, and if I also do a treadmill workout after the Shred, that will take me to 100 total. I think that is doable. Then I will have to earn 50 more minutes on Monday/Tuesday, which shouldn't be a problem.

I am well on track to getting a great WW week under my belt! I hope it is reflected at the scale on Wednesday.

Ooooh, ouch.

2011-01-29T06:44:00.002-05:00

My big commitment to myself this week is to get 150 minutes (minimum) of exercise in. I also wanted to re-start the 30 Day Shred DVD to help with toning, as usually I just do straight cardio.

Well Thursday night I dusted the ol' thing off and got myself all set up, and did the Shred. And let me tell you, it was a great workout. It may only be 20 minutes long but it is pretty intense. Unfortunately when you are someone like me, not very fit or active (yet), you might be paying for it a few days later.

I hurt! I felt okay yesterday morning, maybe a little stiff. By the afternoon the muscles in my thighs were complaining. By evening, going up and down the stairs was difficult! Yikes. Darn those lunges and squats. :)

I had already decided to not do the DVD for 30 days straight. Since you work all the muscle groups in this one workout, and I do believe your muscles need a day of rest to heal, I had decided to do the DVD every other day. A 60 day Shred, if you will. Well the amount of soreness I am still feeling today is making me wonder if it is a good idea to do the workout again tonight, which is the second day? Do I need another day to heal or should I push on?

I'm leaning toward doing the DVD but taking the leg moves a little easy; my arms and abs feel great today so I don't think I will have an issue with that part of the workout.

I took my measurements again as well and it was discouraging; they are identical to six months ago. Plus I'm only down 2.5 pounds from then as well; I feel like I have wasted this time by not pushing harder to get off this plateau. Well, at least I am doing it now.

Broken Record

2011-01-27T21:11:00.003-05:00

Well, I was up half a pound this week. Boo. I had a pretty stressful work week, and my darling son has been waking up every night at 4am for over a week. I'm mentally and physically exhausted. Not ideal conditions for weight loss. Good thing I stayed on-plan or it could have been much worse.

This week, I think I need to try not eating all of my 49 weeklies. Just to see if it makes a difference. I think I will aim for no more than 30-35.

I also want to hit 150 minutes of moderate activity this week, which is the recommended minimum for adults. I have been close to that, but not quite. I will reach it this week for sure.

I am so tired of bouncing up and down withing the same four pounds. I want to get down, and out, for good. I'm tired of sounding like a broken record.

Hello, endorphins

2011-01-23T13:45:00.004-05:00

Well today I met a friend at her gym for a workout. I don't have a membership, I just use my treadmill at home most days, but I figured a little change of scenery couldn't hurt. And meeting my friend motivated us both to get up and go despite the brisk -30 temperatures. I was going to pay the drop-in fee, but the kind person working the desk just waved me in. Woot!

We did 30 minutes on the elliptical (OMG, sweat-city), and then did one circuit around the weight machines. I re-introduced myself to some muscles that I had long since forgotten about!

It was fabulous, despite the sweat, and I feel so good right now. Perfect as I am halfway through my WW week and I feel motivated to continue on.

We have decided to make this a weekly habit. I already can't wait until next week. :)

Not yet used to disappointment...

2011-01-22T06:09:00.002-05:00

Well I broke one of my own cardinal sins on Wednesday morning - I weighed myself on my home scale to get an idea of what my WI would be like that night. Well, I almost fell off the scale when I saw 179.4! I was in the 170s! Of course, I usually add ~3 pounds between my morning weight and my evening weight, but that put me on track to have a nice little one pound loss.

I was a good WWer all day and drank all my water, and when I got to my WW WI... nothing. I officially STS. What a bummer, I was so disappointed. Which is exactly why I should NOT weigh myself at home on WI day.

Well it's onward and downward this week.

I spoke to my best friend yesterday and she has officially asked me to be her Matron of Honour at her wedding! This is thrilling for me; I figured I would be a bridesmaid but didn't actually realize she wanted me to be her MoH. :) Anyway she is on a quest to lose a little weight (what bride isn't?) and this has added further motivation for me to get the scale moving downward again. The wedding is on 9.10.11, so only a few months away. I have to make this time count.

Hangover

2011-01-16T13:09:00.002-05:00

I had a great time yesterday; the tobogganing/sledding party for the kids in the morning was a ton of fun, and the evening event was fabulous and a total surprise.

I deliberately saved almost all of my 49 points to use on Saturday. I knew I would need them all. And I did.

I feel like total junk today. Pounding head, dry mouth, nervous stomach.

No, I did not have a single drop to drink.

I have a food hangover.

Oh, I am so terrible for controlling myself around salty snacks. At the kids party there were potato chips. And at the evening party, there was a big bowl of Munchies at every table. It was staring me in the face. So I ate them. And I was the DD in the evening, so I stuck to drinking Diet Coke and coffee. Not a drop of water in sight.

This is what happens when you overindulge in salt and deny your body the water it needs.

Off I go to fill my water glass (again).

Supercharged

2011-01-15T08:00:00.002-05:00

These days I am forcing myself to have a more positive outlook. I've been dwelling in the dumps for a while but only recently realized that I am likely suffering from a touch of S.A.D. Duh. Anyway, it's given me that much more motivation to increase my activity - I will feed off those endorphins until the days get longer and I can get some sunshine again. (And a little Vitamin D has been thrown into the mix as well).

I can't believe how this slight shift in outlook has changed me so dramatically. On Thursday night I got on my treadmill, set it for a slightly higher speed than I normally do, and off I went. And I completely rocked that workout - I felt very powerful and in control when I was finished. Of course, that rolls over into my eating too; I feel more in control so I make better food choices.

I really do feel like in the last couple of days, my perspective has done a complete 180. Sure, maybe I will still continue to lose on the slow end of the spectrum, but I will lose this weight and get it done.

Today will be a challenge and yet I know I will get through it just fine. I'm taking my son out to a birthday party this morning for two little girls his age. There will be amazing food (likely not low-point, haha) but do I really need a cupcake? I think not. Then this evening we have the babysitter over so we can attend a 40th birthday party for a relative. This is going to be a fancy, catered event - also likely not low in points - but I have the benefit of 46 WPA to help me along. I know I can survive on my daily 29 for the rest of the week, no problem.

And... for that big shindig tonight I went shopping and bought myself a brand new top. It's super-cute and super-flattering and it's a size MEDIUM people! I haven't been a Medium for oh, about 7 years now!!!!! I am going to look hawt at this party. :)

It works!

2011-01-13T21:21:00.002-05:00

To the haters: P+ really works! I ate every single point available to me this past week, and I lost 2.5 pounds! That's really amazing for me, at this point in my journey. I am definitely on the slow-losing end of the spectrum, so 2.5 had me happy dancing at the scale.

That being said, I could have done even better this week had I exercised at all. Yup that's right, I did nary one workout last week. Sigh. I have been very lax about exercise lately, and I really need to get back into it for three reasons:

1. To encourage further weight loss.
2. To tone up as I continue to lose.
3. To help me cope with S.A.D.

I've been feeling a little glum lately, and I definitely think it is related to the lack of sunlight. And if I can't have sunlight, then I need more endorphins to get me through the long winter. So with that said, off I go to change into my workout wear, dust off my 30 Day Shred, and burn some calories. :)

1.11.11

2011-01-11T17:25:00.003-05:00

Inspired by todays date: One is the theme of the day.

One weekly point left to last me one more day.

One workout accomplished in one week. :(

One potential bridesmaid dress looming on the horizon.

One nervous little WWer waiting to get back on the scale in one more day.

One life and one chance to live it right.

Planning is key

2011-01-10T06:16:00.004-05:00

I'm hanging in there. :)

I survived the weekend without going into the hole, though I now have only 9 weekly points left. Well, that's okay. Given my history, if I can make it through the weekend unscathed, I will make it to Wednesday. Getting back to the routine on Monday and Tuesday helps.

DH and I have made a meal plan for the rest of the week, which is great because it keeps me on budget as well as on plan! I won't have to think too much until Friday - I could probably track the whole week right now. Planning makes my WW life so much easier.

My one big flaw, and I will fess up to it, is exercise. I don't do enough, not even close. I really need to make a plan with respect to exercising too, just like I do with food.

I think my one big problem is that there is too much that I want or need to do on any given day. Exercising early in the morning is out because my DS is such an early riser as it is. Maybe when we have finished our basement, and he has a little play area near my treadmill, this will become easier. But for now, it doesn't work.

After work and in the evening, I spend every minute playing/reading/chatting with DS, until his bedtime which is anywhere between 7:30 and 8:00 lately. Then I prep lunches, and try to decide if I want to (a) spend the evening tidying and cleaning, (b) do something crafty, (c) spend time with DH (usually watching tv together), (d) work on organizing the basement so that we can finally finish it, or (e) exercise. Honestly, to get everything done on a daily basis that I would like to get done, I need a 30-hour day. Can anyone help me with that?

Anyway, I'm not adverse to exercise, I just haven't figured out a way to fit it all in yet. But I have to figure out a way to make it a priority in 2011, without neglecting all the other things I need and want to do with my very limited spare time.

Irrational guilt

2011-01-09T13:11:00.004-05:00

Ok, here I am, halfway through my first true week on P+ (I'm not counting the other weeks because I wasn't 100% OP what with the Christmas chocolate, etc.).

I've already beaten myself up over having some chips one night, and I've used up 33/49 WPA so far (some on leftover Christmas chocolate). I have tracked it all - every bite, lick and taste. And yet I feel guilty, like I've done something wrong? Which logically makes no sense, I know. I have been OP because I am tracking everything, I'm getting in all my dairy, veggies etc. So why am I feeling guilty, like I have been cheating the plan?

I think I'm just stuck in the mentality that having a treat = being bad. I know the plan allows for treats so why can't I get past that?

Anyway, after reading so much about why people either love or hate P+, I am very interested to see what happens on the scale this week. This will be my benchmark, and I will determine from there whether I should be eating less of my WPA. I suspect that I won't be able to keep up with the 49 WPA, but there's only one way to find out for sure. I still have 50 pounds to go but I won't be going any lower than my current 29 DPT. I figure that to keep up any sort of momentum I will have to gradually reduce the WPA I eat.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a loss.

Here I go again.

2011-01-07T06:34:00.002-05:00

Well I was up 1.5 lbs. this week. I definitely "earned" some of that gain as I hit the chocolate hard at my MIL's last week.

But I've been a complete hormonal beast the last few days so I'm chalking part of it up to TOM as well. If I can get through the next few days without gorging myself then I should see a loss next week as I lose the bloat.

Only problem being, apparently for all my positive self-talk and renewed focus on my goals for 2011, I still have zero willpower when facing a bag of potato chips. Who was the genius who invented these god-forsaken salty slices of deliciousness? I want to pummel him in the face. And thank you DH, for bringing them in the house.

I want to alternately scream and cry. I need to regain control. I need to get the hell out of the 180s once and for all. I am sick and tired of this weight and being caught halfway between two sizes and always wearing pants that are either too big or too small. I just want a pair of pants that fit comfortably, is that too much to ask???

/endrant.

Happy New Year!

2011-01-02T20:54:00.003-05:00

I would say that I did reasonably well over Christmas - let's say 65% eating well and 35% eating pure junk. I did manage to STS the week of Christmas. I'm not sure I'll be that lucky again this week, but we'll see.

So, 2011. You look a lot like 2010. I didn't make a New Year's resolution - I still have the same goals and the same aspirations as last year, and I worked toward them during all of 2010, so trying to do the same things and calling it a 2011 resolution would be false.

Instead, I will work harder to meet those goals. I will increase my drive, my committment. I will make myself a priority. I deserve it!

Inevitable meltdown

2010-12-22T22:01:00.002-05:00

Well it had to happen at some point in December, right? Most people would assume that it would be Christmas.

No.

I lost my mind a week before. The math goes a little something like this:

Christmas party +
Leftovers from the Christmas party +
Holiday Potluck with friends +
Hubby's birthday +
Hubby's birthday, revisitied =

a gain. A gain of 1.5 lbs to be precise. I was expecting at least +2 though so at least it is not as bad as I imagined.

Honestly I feel like junk tonight. I've indulged so much this week and I can just feel it. My body does not like this feeling. I am literally excited for next week, because I only have two days to deal with indulgent eating.

I have it all figured out. This is my plan: I eat only to my target on Thursday-Friday, and Monday-Wednesday. The holidays, and the days I am away, are Saturday-Sunday. So I automatically have 49 WPA to spread over two days. I am also planning on a minimum of 45 minutes on the treadmill each day that I eat to my target only. That will earn me an additional 20 APs to spread over those two holiday days.

I think this is reasonable and doable. Especially since I am craving veggies like you wouldn't believe, after doing my best to avoid them for a week! Heh. Truth be told, I don't feel deprived on the new plan with only 29 points. I can do this.

I full expect that I will lose weight this week, despite Christmas.

P+, Day Four

2010-12-12T13:07:00.004-05:00

I started the new WW P+ program on Thursday, so I have almost half a week under my belt now. So far, I'm loving it! I don't feel deprived, at all. I am eating healthy, nutritious foods and I'm never feeling hungry!

I haven't even felt the need to splash out on my WPA either. I think I've used 10/49 so far. I can't wait to see how this translates on the scale on Wednesday! I do have to keep in mind that I had another big (for me) loss last week, and normally my body will course-correct with a smaller loss the next week. So I'm not expecting another big loss, but even a small loss would be just lovely.

I have high expectations for this program. I still have exactly 50 lbs. to lose but I'm at the lowest daily points target already, 29. Which means that if I am happy and satisfied now, I will be able to get to goal being happy and satisfied - no more losing points every 10 pounds! I really do feel that this new plan is doable, for the rest of my life. I certainly haven't felt like I've been dieting these last few days. Look out Goal, here I come!

I'm still baby-stepping my way down though; the big picture can still get overwhelming. For instance, I have 3 more pounds to go to get out of the 180s (been here forever, it feels like, and I'm ready to see the 170s!), and only 2 more pounds will get me another star for 45 pounds lost. I really hope this is something I can achieve by the end of December. I have 3 more December weigh-ins, so it is possible, even with Christmas coming up.

I'm feeling confident about the holidays. I've been doing very well in the last month and a half, and I've had a lot of dinners out, parties, activities etc. Christmas is just another two days (Christmas + Boxing Day, when you eat the Christmas leftovers!); even if I let things slide those two days, I have the other 5 days of that week to get back on track. I can definitely do it.

Brand New Low!

2010-12-10T06:03:00.003-05:00

Yesss! I said bye bye to 2 more pounds this week which has me down to my lowest weight to date, which translates to 43 lbs. lost total! I knew I had lost weight this week, I could feel that I was smaller. And my husband also noticed and commented that I was looking smaller. I didn't know it would be a whole two pounds though; fantastic!

Encouragingly, I have also lost 7 pounds in the last 5 weeks, which is well above my "normal" rate of weight loss (~0.5 lbs./week). But what is normal, anyway? I'm feeling more committed right now which is likely why I am losing faster.

And... I now have my hands on the new Points Plus program materials. Exciting! My daily points went from 24 to 29, and my weekly points went from 35 to 49. Yes, Points Plus (P+) values have increased as well, but so far it seems like a fair trade.

Yesterday was my first day on P+, and I decided to just eat the same way for a day or two and see how it all shakes out. So far, so good! I think I must have a fairly balanced diet already, as most of the foods I eat haven't increased dramatically.

I'll have to see how the rest of this week goes. I've been so busy this that I haven't even finished reading the materials yet! But, I'm excited and motivated and looking forward to the challenge.

Weekly sum-up and NSV

2010-12-08T06:31:00.003-05:00

Tonight is my WI and I am looking forward to seeing how I did this week. I know I feel like I had a great week. I had two evenings out on the weekend and ended up using more than my 35 weekly Points, but I'm so proud that I tracked everything and realized I could easily make those up with a few extra AP's. Which is exactly what I did!

As for my NSV, on Monday I was feeling happy and noticed that my pants were fitting much more comfortably. At almost the same time, my husband commented that I am looking smaller! He is so supportive of me and my continuing efforts, and he's not the type to blow smoke and tell me something like that if it isn't true.

So today I will make sure I drink enough water, and carry on with eating well, and hope the scale reflects my best efforts tonight. If it doesn't, well, I know that I still had a great week.

Oh yeah, and since Points+ launched this week, I will be getting all my materials tonight! I'm excited to delve into the new program.

50 pounds to go

2010-12-05T12:28:00.004-05:00

In my last post, I wrote that I would like to reach goal in 2011. I have 50 pounds to go to reach goal.

I've been mulling that over for the last day or so. How quickly can I reasonably lose 50 pounds? It's taken me ~18 months to lose 41, but I'll be the first to tell you that I've not been dedicated to weight loss that whole time.

If I could lose that 50 pounds in the next year, I would be ever so happy. But is that reasonable? Could I really reach goal in 2011? What would I need to do, and what would I need to change? Am I willing to make those necessary changes?

1. I would need to exercise more often, and at a higher intensity.

Yes, realistically I could do this. Finding time to exercise is difficult - but not impossible. I do watch a lot of tv. Replace tv time with workout time.

2. I would need to better plan my meals.

Also not hard. Make a meal plan on the weekend and buy groceries around that. Pre-prepare one recipe a week for lunches. Freeze extra servings for those days when I need a quick meal on the go.

3. I would need to get the support of my whole family and not just my husband and my Mom.

This is hard. I hate asking for help or for people to modify their behavior to suit me. But we spend enough time at MIL and FIL's house, that I would need for them to know that I don't appreciate or require the food pushing.

4. I would need to believe that I am capable and worth achieving this goal.

Hmm. This is a work in progress. I regularly struggle with "can I do this" or "I'm a slow loser and that's just how it is". I would need to completely change my mindset.

* * * * *
Challenging, yes. Can I do this? Yes.

YES.

Keeping up momentum and saying goodbye to "Momentum"

2010-12-04T08:12:00.003-05:00

After my big whopping loss of 3 pounds last week, I lost half a pound this week. I'm okay with that. I don't traditionally have big losses, so when I do I invariably course-correct the next week.

The important thing is that I am back down to 184.5 and 41 pounds lost, which is the lowest I have been! Onward and downward. Any loss this week guarantees me a brand new low, and I can't wait.

I've also now lost 4 weeks in a row for a total of 5 pounds down in November. I'm rather happy about that; I think 5 pounds a month is a reasonable amount of weight loss. If I can keep my act together then I will be at or near goal in another 10 months at that pace!

I really want to make 2011 my year to reach goal. Is it too early to be thinking about resolutions? Hee hee. I am really excited about the new WW program launching tomorrow. I think (hope?) it will spur me into action and on the final path to a healthy weight.

I have been getting a lot of compliments lately about my weight loss, which I find somewhat funny. I have maintained my current weight within 5 pounds, for about 6 months now. Maybe it's because I bought lots of new flattering clothes when I was in the States in October, and the loss is becoming more apparent to others now?

The busiest time of the year

2010-11-27T07:41:00.002-05:00

Once again I've been blogging sporadically. I need to get back in the habit; I really felt good and was doing well when blogging on a regular basis. However as we all know, this time of year is a free-time thief. I will do my best during December and jump back in with both feet in January.

I have been suffering with The Cold From Hell for the last two weeks now. It's really lingering on, and it's been hard to have the energy to do much. Let alone work during the day and planning my son's 3rd birthday by night (including the shopping and party prepping). And there's something else going on, next month on the 25th??? Something else I should be preparing for?

So I'm having troubles sleeping because of all the coughing fits I've been having. Really, for two entire weeks now, and I'm tired. I'm having flashbacks of last year with a massive ear infection and strep throat ruining the holidays, and hoping this darn cold goes away soon.

I also broke my toe last week. It bloody well hurt, though I think it's on the mend now. But I'm sure I've been quite a sight, hobbling along while hacking up a lung.

Anyway, I'm rambling.

Miraculously this week, I lost weight for the third week in a row, putting away another 3 pounds! Yesssssssss! I'm back down to -40.5. I swear this is the third and last time that I will cross the 40 pound mark. I'm working my way down to 45 pounds now. :)

Two more WW weeks and WI's to go before the new program is launched. I'm really energized by the idea of this new program. From the bits and pieces I have gleaned from the boards, it makes a lot of sense from a nutritional standpoint, so it would follow that losing weight should be a result.

I feel confident heading into the holidays, knowing that the new program will require some effort and I won't just be phoning it in. I'm not necessarily expecting to lose a lot of weight in December; that's just difficult with holiday parties and birthday parties and my MIL's baking and food-pushing ways. My goal is to STS throughout the next month - any loss at all is gravy. Come January, though, I will be getting my 45 pound star. :)

Well I should close here; a certain little boy wants a chocolate cake for his birthday tomorrow so I'd best get started on that.

Refocusing, again (re-refocusing?)

2010-11-14T07:03:00.002-05:00

I went back to my meetings this Wednesday, with my tail between my legs.

The week before I didn't make it to a meeting. I had a pinched nerve in my back on Wednesday and didn't feel much like moving. My next meeting option was Thursday, and my back was feeling somewhat better but my DH already had plans for that night, so I had to stay home with DS. Then I was planning to go on Saturday morning but... just didn't (not much of an excuse but there you go).

I did an at-home WI instead on Saturday morning (I have a decent WW digital scale) and unofficially was 189.5. So up from my trip to Phoenix but not back into the dreaded-190s. But of course, that is the naked-first-thing-in-the-morning-after-peeing weight. My usual weigh in is at night and I am usually ~2 pounds heavier in the evening (plus another pound for clothes).

You'd think the prospect of a weigh-in of ~193 on the following Wednesday would have me scared. Apparently not. I had a rough time getting control of myself from Saturday to Wednesday.

So yes, I slunk into that meeting and braced myself for the inevitable huge gain and the quiet disapproval of my leader. I stepped on the scale and... 189.0!!! Woot. I was never so happy to have lost half a pound.

And now I have been scared straight. I'm back OP and doing everything that I'm supposed to be doing. Hopefully I'll be back down to 184.5 soon (that would be the lowest weight I got to before all the madness began).

You know, I veered off track in August, and it's been up and down the same 5 pounds since then. That was three months ago now. Time to get serious again.

And... 4 more weeks (and 4 more weigh-ins) until the launch of the new plan. Can't wait!

Back (again)

2010-11-06T06:45:00.002-04:00

Well October is done and it was as much of a goat rodeo as I had predicted. And I did not weather the storm so well.

I'm not exactly sure where I went wrong, but mostly I think I have lost confidence in myself. And of course, if you don't believe you can do something, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

So my imaginary re-committment date (November 1) has come and gone and I'm still struggling with impulse control. DH brings home a bag of chips - and I eat them. No second thoughts about it.

Today is November 6th and I have to restart today. It's Saturday, which poses its own unique challenges, and I'm already halfway into my WW week (not that I've actually been following WW this week).

It's oh so tempting to wait until next Wednesday - next "week" - but I need to start fresh and I can't wait for next Wednesday; I need to grab control back NOW.

FFS

2010-10-16T19:27:00.001-04:00

I binged over Thanksgiving.

I caught a cold/virus thingie and was severely bloated (pants that were loose were digging painfully into me).

I gained +4.5.

I would like to get off this merry-go-round now, please.

October challenges

2010-10-03T09:36:00.003-04:00

Well finally I did it - I lost a whole, entire pound this week! Hehehe. Back down to -40.5 which means only 0.5 more pounds and I am done losing the summer gain, and down I go back into virgin pound territory. :)

This is going to be a tough month for me though, I'm not going to lie.

Yesterday we spent the day in Montreal visiting some family. I tried to fill up from the veggie platter, but my 17-year old cousin made a cake for dessert and I had to try that. I'm still OP but all of my flexies are gone for the rest of the week.

Next weekend is Thanksgiving and I'll be at MIL/FIL's for 2 or 3 days (we haven't figured out that part yet). And MIL is a known food pusher. I will really have to work on saying "no". (That is so hard for me).

The week after is my birthday. There will likely be a dinner out and cake, and of course cake at work too.

The day after my birthday I am off to sunny Phoenix, AZ for 9 days of vacation. I do not have a good track record for staying OP on vacation. But, my Mom just (re)joined WW and still will have the newbie-itis, so hopefully I will be able to feed off of that enthusiasm. Plus there will be walking and hiking almost every day.

I fly home on Hallowe'en. Chocolate all around. Nuff said.

I hope I can keep my wits about me and keep moving downwards. My +6.5 gain from the beginning of August has taken me almost 2 months to lose again. I can't continue that cycle.

The good news is, I just had my yearly physical and got a clean bill of health, plus my doctor was very happy with the weight I have lost so far. Now to keep up the pace.

Endless Journey.

2010-09-26T14:44:00.002-04:00

Down another 0.5 this week despite being a perfect WW angel...

Yes, I know that is within the WW range for healthy weight loss.
Yes, I know that a loss - any loss - is better than a gain.
Yes, I know that statistically speaking, losing slower = better chance at keeping the weight off.

But frig already! I am so tired of this pace. Working so hard day after day, week after week. I've been back at WW for almost 2 years now and I'm down 40. Honestly that is not enough.

I still have another 50 to go. Will it take me 3 more years? I can just cry thinking about it.

I hate being fat.
I hate being judged by my size.
I hate that I sweat so much.
I hate that shopping for clothes is still frustrating.
I hate being ignored or overlooked because of my size.
I hate having to keep paying WW.

Stagnation

2010-09-19T11:52:00.002-04:00

I've been forgetting to update this blog. Well, not like I've had a lot to say anyway. Last week I STS and this week I lost half a pound.

I'm not sure what is going on. My headspace isn't right. But I've been forcing myself to track and last week I was actually surprised that I only lost half a pound (of course, the meeting topic was about celebrating the small losses, heh). So I'm still on track and OP, but I don't feel mentally determined. Does that make any sense? The only reason I'm OP right now is because I'm forcing myself to be.

A lot of people are taking about with the new fall season upon us, and the new school year starting for their kids, they're feeling renewed and optimistic and fresh and revived and pumped and ready to tackle the weight loss again. I wish I could have some of what they're drinking! I don't feel like there is anything new for me. Just the same old, same old.

I'm trying to fake it till I make it, though. I joined the GDT Snowtime Showdown challenge, and I bought a brand new three month journal in which I will faithfully track and record my measurements and watch that graph go down down down.

I don't want to be stagnant any more. I just wish I could get both my head and my heart into the game at the same time.

Challenging myself

2010-09-04T07:32:00.003-04:00

Well I finally smartened up and got back to basics. And it worked. I lost 4 pounds this week! So, I have 2.5 more pounds to lose to get back to where I was, and to start working on virgin pounds.

What did I learn?

1. No matter how long I've been doing WW, and no matter how successful I am, my natural tendency is to overeat, or to eat fatty unhealthy foods.

2. I will have to be constantly vigilant about eating well, for the rest of my life. This journey will not end for me at goal.

2. After 3 weeks of gorging, I physically and mentally felt like garbage. It's amazing how switching back to vegetables and cutting out grease can improve both my health and my mental well being.

So, over the course of the 'Endless Summer' Challenge on the GDT, I lost a total of 7.5 pounds. That's okay, but it wasn't good enough to win me any of the prizes. It's sad to think that at one point I was down 10 pounds exactly, and I kind of threw it all away at the end. There is now talk of starting a Christmas Challenge, which I will also participate in. I will do much better this time around, I promise. :)

So far so good!

2010-08-29T08:53:00.005-04:00

Well I'm still going strong on my WW Angel week! I peeked at the scale again and I am definitely moving in the right direction. :) Here is yesterday's menu:

B - 1/2 cup cottage cheese (2), banana (2), coffee with FF creamer (1)
S - 2 cups veggies with light dip (2)
L - Leftover lemon chicken linguini (7)
S - Second Cup small chillatte (5)
D - Italian sausage (7), corn on the cob (2), 1 cup skim milk (2)
S - SF/FF Yogurt (1)
W - 60 minute light walk (3)

I had intended to do a 30 minute strength DVD in the evening but I had another migraine. :( At least I got in a good hour walk earlier in the day to have earned some AP's.

Daily Target: 24
Total Eaten: 31
AP's Earned: 3
Running Flex Tally: 11/35

It's another beautiful day out and my plan is to go for another walk in the glorious sunshine today. Hopefully my brain will cooperate and I will do my Strength DVD tonight as well.

I'm feeling strong and confident! I had lost some of that confidence and no doubt how I feel on the inside impacts how well I do on the scale. I have to remember this, even though sometimes it is so hard to stay positive. But I will reach my goal, as long as I continue to believe that I am capable and worthy. Which I am. :)

Double Sigh.

2010-08-28T06:33:00.006-04:00

I had a migraine on Wednesday so I went to Thursday WI instead. And I gained 2 more pounds. Argh! At least this week it wasn't poor eating habits. It was the unfortunate combination of a salty dinner the night before, and TOM.

Holy wake up call though. It can take me 12 weeks to lose 6 pounds. And only 3 to gain it back.

The good news is that I am putting the brakes on this gain, and challenging myself to be a WW Angel. I will get in all my fruit/veggie servings, milk servings, drink my water, earn my AP's - following the GHG's as closely as possible in other words. I'm aiming to complete this week as closely to the program as I can. Although I can lose when being loosey-goosey with the "rules", clearly if I want to get rid of the +6.5 in a reasonable amount of time, I have to be a bit more strict. I just want to be back where I was, and then I can concentrate on continuing downward.

So, after 2 days of being a WW Angel, I peeked at the scale and I am already down ~4 pounds! I can't take credit for it all as the sodium/TOM bloat clearly affected me and it's now leaving. But still! Yay me!

This was my day yesterday:

B - multigrain cheerios (2), 1 cup skim milk (2), coffee
S - 2 cups raw veggies with light dip (2)
L - grilled chicken and steamed broccoli over whole wheat linguini in a light lemon cream sauce (7)
S - yogurt (1), pineapple (1)
D - 2 egg omelette with mushroom, red peppers, onion, cheese (7)
S - 1 cup skinny iced mocha (4), 100 cal. Fibre One bar (1)
W - 45 minutes on the treadmill

Daily Target: 24
Total eaten: 27
AP's earned: 4
Running Flex Tally: 4/35

I'm pretty proud of how I did. I ate lots of yummy but filling foods. I got in a lot of my favourites, plus I got to have a small treat at the end of the day. Now to sustain this for the next 5 days!

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.

2010-08-21T19:15:00.001-04:00

Well after my initial awesomeness at losing a pound while on vacation, I then threw it all away and gained 4.5 pounds over a 2-week period.

*facepalm*

I'm back on track. I weighed in last Wednesday and stayed for my meeting. I have tracked every morsel that has gone into my mouth over the last few days. I'm striving to drink more water and eat more filling foods.

And I peeked at the scale this morning and I am still up those 4.5 pounds. Damn. I was hoping some of it was water weight, and that I could lose at least 2 of them quickly.

Guess not.

Off to the treadmill I go.

Losing on vacation

2010-08-06T07:25:00.002-04:00

I am so proud of myself.

I lost another one pound this week. And I did this while on vacation.

I'll admit I had a weak moment on Friday. I could have let it all go and enjoyed myself while on holidays. I could have done that so easily. But, I made myself stop and think about it, and what the consequences would be. And then I chose to stay on track.

Lo and behold, I made it work, and I lost weight this week.

Yay, me!

The (dreaded?) bathing suit shopping trip.

2010-08-01T11:09:00.004-04:00

Well, it was time. Seven years between swimsuits, especially when your weight has fluctuated up 60 pounds and back down 40 in those seven years, is too much.

But who likes swimsuit shopping, anyway? Especially when you still have 55 pounds to lose?

Like it or not, it's summer and the need for a new swimsuit was getting dire. I've already attended one pool party in my holey, out of date, losing-the-elastic sad sack of a swimsuit. How embarrassing!

And since I'm on vacation, the fam and I will be doing an abundance of swimming this week. Plus, I'm possibly going south on vacation in October (not confirmed yet so that is all I will say about that for now).

It was time.

Since I am cheap, my first stop was Wallyworld. Well they have about a gazillion bikinis available, but if you're not a size 0 then there was two (yes, two) one-piece suits to choose from, and that were possibly the fugliest things I have ever seen. I didn't even try one on. Bathing suit shopping already makes me feel hideous, trying on one of those monstrosities wasn't going to help my mood (let alone pay good money for one)!

Next stop: Smellers. I'm still cheap. But in the back of my mind I'm thinking if I can't find anything there maybe I will have to splurge and go to an actual bathing suit store where you pay over $100 for the tiniest piece of fabric you will ever wear in public. And then hyperventilating at the thought of it...

Anyway, Smellers. They had racks and racks of stuff, all on 50% off clearance. The frugalista in me smiles. I grabbed 10 different styles and headed to the changeroom.

And.... success! I am now the proud owner of the cutest little tankini. It's long enough to cover the jiggly bits, no belly hanging out, and it's soooo comfortable (and let's face it, tankinis are easier to get into and out of than a one-piece). It's pink and purple and grey swirled on the top with black straps, a little cleave showing (tasteful), with a silver buckled black belt right below the bust. The bottom is plain black but with the rouching/tie detail at the sides. Best of all, I think I look super cute! It's made from some kind of super-industrial sucking-in material, I can only assume. This is space-age stuff - the belly is minimized, the boobs are perky, the bottom is firm. Plus the colours and design are flattering on me.

I'm a happy camper. :)

Holidays... and food.

2010-08-01T10:58:00.005-04:00

For the next 9 days, I am on vacation! Wheee! I have desperately needed some time off. But of course, not being at work means that my normal schedule (6 am breakfast, 10 am snack, 12 pm lunch, 3 pm snack, 5:30 pm supper...) is all over the map. I have to try extra hard to not go crazy with the food.

Yesterday was Saturday, my first day at home. I decided that during this week I am going to make a conscious effort to get all those GHG's in, regardless of how my schedule for the day goes.

I think I did pretty well!

Breakfast - scrambled egg with sauteed onions and red pepper, in a tortilla wrap, with fresh homemade salsa
AM Snack - yogurt
Lunch - banana and an ice capp
Supper - HUGE salad, grilled chicken, baby potatoes
PM Snack - Glass of milk, vitamuffin top

Lunch was a little strange since I ended up having a nap while DS was napping, and then when we woke up we ran out to do some errands. But I got all my milk and fruit/veggie servings in which is a bonus. Oh, and I came in right at my daily target, no flex needed. :)

I'm aiming to accomplish the same today. I refuse to gain weight on my vacation. Especially since I finally got my 40 pound star, and it took so long to get there. No backsliding!

40 Pounds Gone!!!

2010-07-31T10:10:00.003-04:00

Ahhhhh, I made it! I lost that one stubborn pound this week to reach my 40 pound loss. It is absolutely amazing how good it feels to have this accomplishment. When my leader announced my total loss and gave me my star during the meeting, another meeting member actually gasped. I love that maybe I am an inspiration to new members; they can see firsthand that this weight loss business is actually possible.

I certainly didn't think it was possible when I first (re)joined. I have been on and off WW since I was 14 years old. But I have never made it to my goal weight and I have never been successful at keeping it off. I really had to confront myself and my inner dialogue. I realized that I was saying to myself "I can't do this" and of course that's what happened. It wasn't overnight, but I started to say to myself that "I absolutely CAN do this" and sure enough, over time, I started to believe it.

Now, I know it. I have absolutely zero fears that I will fail this time. I know that I will keep going until I reach goal, and then I will reach lifetime, and I will continue to maintain my goal weight. Sure there will be ups and downs, but this time it's for good.

My next goal: 5 more pounds. At 45 pounds lost, I will be halfway to goal.

It can be done!

2010-07-24T20:36:00.002-04:00

Well my boys came back to me today. DH and DS were out of town for 48 hours. I've been sick so I took that time to sleep, rest, relax...

...and I went out with the ladies last night! Hee hee. Going out with the gals did my soul some good, the way the extra sleep has been doing my body good. :)

Anyway, out we went for dinner and a movie. Ugh, sounds like a Points disaster doesn't it? Not if you're a savvy WWer like me.

(Side note: I love the word savvy. Two vee's in a row. Awesome.)

So, before heading out I looked up the nutritional information for the restaurant online. I kept my mind open as to what type of meal I would like to have, and scouted out a few options. I ended up choosing a sirloin steak (7 Points) with garlic mashed potatoes (2) and coleslaw (2). It made it sooo much easier once I got to the restaurant. I already knew what I was getting, I was not influenced by the other gals ordering french fries, and I was looking forward to a guilt-free meal.

I stuck to Ye Olde Diet Cola to drink, and skipped the appi's and dessert (none needed, really, cause I was full of steak). And I only had another Diet Cola at the movie. So I spent a grand total of 11 points for a delicious evening out. Really that is quite reasonable and do-able. I had 7 points left to my day so 4 came from my Flex - no biggie.

So to sum up: (a) I didn't have to starve myself all day to save Points for dinner, (b) I didn't have to do copious amounts of insane workouts to earn the Points for dinner, (c) I didn't have to order a salad, and (d) I did not feel deprived in the slightest - in fact, I felt very satisfied.

STS... and inspired.

2010-07-22T06:46:00.002-04:00

Well I STS for the second week in a row. So no 40 pound star for me just yet. I have a cold this week and I always bloat up during a cold. Eating-wise, I had a really great week and I'm sure I would have lost otherwise.

So next week, watch out! :)

There is a girl at my meeting, close to my age but maybe a little younger. Yesterday she achieved her 60 pound star plus she got to goal! I don't really know her that well but she has been the success story of our meeting. I was so excited for her yesterday. She looks fantastic. She has that inner glow, you know the one, when you see someone who is just so satisfied with their life?

I can't wait to be her. And I will do it. I don't care if it takes me 5 more years, but I will do it. :)

Not there yet

2010-07-18T11:48:00.002-04:00

I managed to STS last week, which is great, but I didn't get to my 40 pound loss yet.

Funny thing, when I went to my meeting I found out that my regular leader was on holidays and we had a substitute leader for the day. The first thing I thought was, I don't want her to miss my 40 pounds, since she has been cheering me on every week at the scale! Well I didn't get it anyway so the point was moot. But, hopefully I will get that star on this coming Wednesday when she is back.

I feel like I am at a point in my life where everything is in flux. I'm only halfway to my weight goal. I'm not happy in my career at the moment. I want to change my career and do something drastic, but I'm partially afraid of change and don't want to lose what comfort and stability we do have. I desperately love my family, but we're working through some issues together and we're not there yet. Everything in my life is all about not being there yet.

I guess I should try to find the happy in the now, right? :) I'm not as dark and twisty as this post sounds. I guess I'm just trying to think through my options and figure out what to do, so that I can just get there.